I'm New Here
by parksouth
Summary: After his expulsion, Kenny is left feeling humiliated and lost. Not wanting to end up like his parents, Kenny decides he has to get back into school somehow. After a night of video games, one of Stan's offhanded comments gives him the idea to dress up as someone totally new. He quickly finds that the only way no one will recognize him is if he becomes the new girl.
1. Chapter 1: Expelled

"Kenneth, we can't keep making exceptions here. You've been given enough chances; the school board can't afford to be lenient with you anymore. I'm sorry but you're no longer a student at South Park Secondary."

Kenny's eyes widened. "I—what?" the disbelief clear in his tone.

"I know you're actually a good kid Kenny, but this isn't up to me. As you may have heard, at the start of next week I won't be the principle here anymore. My replacement has gone through all the students records. He was appalled by yours and demand the school board allow for you to be expelled before his arrival. I wish I could do more."

"Principal Victoria this is utter bullshit!" he squawked, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles became white, nails creating crescent indents on his palms.

Principal Victoria sighed, the pity she felt for the boy evident in her tone. "I know Kenny, I'm sorry this had to be our last exchange."

Kenny, still in an absolute state of shock, made hesitant eye contact with his now former principal. "Can you at least tell me why?"

"Of course." She reached for a thick beige binder to the right of her desk, the spine reading KENNETH MCCORMICK, in violently bright red. There was also a small post-it note with illegible cursive stuck to the top. As Principal Victoria pealed the post-it away from its home on the folder she adjusted her glasses and cleared her throat. "As I'm sure you can tell, this is your student record. It contains every grade to every detention you have had in your three years here." She sniffled and continued, "Instead of reading to you every single incident you've had, I wrote up a quick general list of reasons for your expulsion."

Kenny couldn't help but look at his feet out of embarrassment. He knew he had been in quite a few mishaps at the school, he's even been suspended a few times, but he never realized his record was that…shamefully huge.

Another light cough brought Kenny's attention back. Principal Victoria began to read, "You have been late over three hundred and sixty times, you have missed one hundred and seventy-three classes, you have almost failed five classes, you have been caught smoking cigarettes inside of the school—"

"I'll admit that smoking inside was dumb, but it was one time and freezing out."

Ignoring him she continued. "You have been in fourteen fights on school propriety, during two of these fights you hospitalized the other student, and most recently you have been caught with marijuana."

A dull silence washed over the room. Kenny couldn't seem to pry his eyes away from the droplets of condensation built up on the outside of Principal Victoria's icy water bottle, perched on the corner of her desk. His lip twitched lightly before he spoke in a rather hushed tone, "But—I, most of—," he took one deep inhale through his nose to recompose himself. "Most of those fights were—hell, almost all of those fights were because I was defending someone else or myself!"

"Kenny, _I_ know that, but the school board doesn't see it the way I do. I know you just want to protect the people around you but there is a strict no fighting policy. All the board sees are fourteen fights and two hospitalizations, whether they were justified or not isn't of the matter." She paused, "And Kenny, even if you could somehow justify the fights, there really are no excuses for these absences and lates, and there are definitely no excuses for the drugs." She finished somberly, eyeing Kenny, attempting to read his unblinking expression; his eyes still locked on the water bottle. "You're lucky the police where never involved."

Again, silence wrapped the room. It was almost suffocating. In one last fleeting effort, Kenny spoke up, finally turning his head to face the woman currently ruining his life. "I know, but I'm supposed to graduate this year. It's only the first week of school. Can't you give me this last year here? Can you give me just one month to fix this? I can make up for everything!"

"Kenny please—" he cut her off immediately. If he was being expelled, he didn't have much to lose by interrupting an authority figure.

He stood from his seat. "No, listen! I won't miss school ever again. I won't smoke or fight. I'll do my homework! Give me a personal cop to follow me around to make sure I don't start shit! I'm sure that can be arranged." The second he said it he realized how stupid it sounded and that his defense was practically useless.

Kenny could tell she felt sorry for him. If he hadn't noticed before he can clearly see it now. He could see it in her eyes. He could see it in the way her mouth frowned and her brow wrinkled. Kenny hated being pitied; he didn't need anyone's pity.

"I'm sorry, there really is nothing that can be done. You may leave."

"Principal Victoria, _please_!" Kenny wasn't very good at seeing when a battle wasn't worth pursuing. Maybe that's why he got into so many fights.

"Kenny please leave."

"But—!"

Voices began raising. "Kenny, go _now_. This discussion is over. I am truly sorry. I will be notifying your parents this afternoon."

Rage quickly engulfed him. "Don't fucking bother, our house phone hasn't worked for the past four months and it's not being fixed any damn time soon. They probably wouldn't give a shit anyways." He immediately turned to leave, anger already leaving him as a hallow feeling replaced it. Kenny hesitated once he grasped the door handle, one last plea at the tip of his tongue. All that came out was a mumbled "sorry for yelling," as he slowly closed the door after himself, leaving behind a bewildered principal and his high school career as he knew it.

…

Kenny swiftly marched through the living area making a b-line to his own bedroom, ignoring his parents nightly brawl as he walked. The second he closed the door to his room he let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. After seventeen years of hearing these fights he thought they wouldn't faze him anymore. Kenny was in fact accustom to it but that didn't mean he liked hearing it. There was a part of him deep down that was still scared shitless of a raised voice. It really worked him up.

The yelling became background noise as he dumped his tattered backpack on the floor and sunk face first into the stacked mattresses he called his bed. His own thoughts engulfing him entirely.

He fucked up.

He fucked up really bad.

He might not be able to fix this.

He _can't_ fix this.

That thought terrified him; because if there was anything Kenny felt that he was good at it would be bullshitting his way through life, and fixing things. Fixing the leaky tap in the kitchen, fixing his shit hand-me-down truck every time it refused to start, fixing his sisters broken dolls when she was little, fixing peoples frowns on a bad day, fixing a broken heart after a one night stand, fixing his own wounds when he managed to collect another scratch, but he's not so sure he can fix being _expelled_.

What will his future hold for him now without having even a high school diploma? He didn't ever really believe he would go to college, but he thought he would at least walk out of South Park having finished grade twelve. College was a distant dream and reality had finally swooped in and plucked that dream away, flying with it until it was no longer visible.

He never had a firm idea about what he would do in college anyways. Kenny thought he might go into a trade; like become a mechanic or something he could do with his hands. He also always liked art, but going to an art school was completely out of the question. The income for a career like that was just too unpredictable. He needed to know he was getting a solid paycheck at the end of each week. After all, he didn't want to fall into his parent's footsteps.

Kenny's eyes widened and he clenched his pillow tighter, shoving his face further into the worn fabric.

' _Oh God_ ,' he thought. He was going to be just like his parents.

Kenny had finally done it. He had practically been waltzing around the pathway to becoming a jobless piece of lowlife shit without even realizing it.

How could he be so stupid? His parents screaming became louder, breaking through his self-deprecating haze.

"You piece of shit! Why don't you get off the damn couch for once in your life and find a steady job? We can't live on food stamps forever!" His mother's words rang through the whole house. So loud it practically shook the already crumbling walls.

"You think it's easy? Why don't you get a fucking job? I would love to see you try!" His father retorted with the same amount of venom.

That's all Kenny heard before his racing mind and rapid beating heart filled his eardrums. That's all he needed to hear to picture himself in the exact situating; to know that his future was practically set in stone.

He was shaking so hard. He wondered if this is what Tweek felt like all the time. He didn't like being scared; he didn't like _admitting_ he was scared. Kenny wanted to punch something; he wanted to cry for his future and for the bastard kids he might end up having. But he couldn't.

His eyes didn't even mist over, nothing felt real.

Kenny suddenly realized he was tired. So, so tired.

He didn't bother to get up and change out of his day's clothes before lulling into a restless sleep. The distant sound of something breaking just barley reaching his ears.

…

Kenny was hardly awake when the tune of _Barbie Girl_ starting blaring, filling his whole room with the noise. It was one of the only ringtones his flip phone had to offer and he honestly thought it was kind of funny seeing some of the looks he received when it went off in public.

He sat up groggily and already regretted falling asleep with his clothes on. A thick red indent was prominent on his cheek, indicating he knocked out in an uncomfortable position on his arm.

Kenny swiped his phone from its spot next to his pillow and snapped it open. "What," he barked into the receiver. He was already pissed about his shitty day and now he's pissed at whichever shitty person decided to call him. Did they realize just how shitty his day had been?

A familiar voice answered; it was Kyle. "Dude where are you? You said you were down to hangout with us at Cartman's place after school today." He sounded quite confused about Kenny's absence. Kenny ditching a hangout unannounced wasn't that uncommon, so he didn't understand why Kyle sounded so put off.

"Shit, yeah, um." Kenny still wasn't fully awake. "Sorry, I forgot. I had to do some house shit, you know, chores." Yeah that made some sense.

"For five hours?" Kyle replied.

"I may or may not have fallen asleep in the process."

"Of course, whatever, just get over here before I literally shove Cartman's head down the garbage disposal."

"Oh, so you need the amazing and hilarious Kenny to keep you from doing that?" Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he continued. "Maybe I _should_ just stay home then." Kenny was beaming now, lightly chuckling at the obvious frustration in Kyles voice.

"Stop being a smart ass and get over here," Kyle deadpanned.

Kenny was already grabbing the parka he forgot he shed last night as Kyle spoke. He placed the phone between his ear and shoulder, pulling his arms through the sleeves as he answered. "Me, a smart ass? Now Mr. Broflovski last time I checked it is you that is the constant smart ass of the group. I am but the humble hot friend." He couldn't help but chuckle at his own sarcasm, not even noticing his unusually quiet home as he walked out of the front door; almost forgetting why he had taken an angry nap at three p.m. Almost.

"Fuck you, I'm too pissed to think of a better response. Just come. Your controller is waiting for you," Kyle huffed.

Kenny couldn't help but widen his smile. "Already on my way." With that, he ended the call and hopped into his truck, making the trip straight to Cartman's house.

…

Kenny walked through Cartman's front door without so much as a knock. The other three were already taking up the entire couch, per usual, so Kenny took his normal position seated on the floor in front of the others without being acknowledged.

The boys were already in the midst of what seemed to be an intense match of Mario Cart. Kenny swiftly reached for the controller he presumed was left for him, and patiently waited for them to finish the round. He was glad they were playing Wii instead of Cartman's garbage Xbox One.

"Are you fucking kidding Kahl? Did you actually hit me with the blue shell?" Cartman blurt.

Kyle didn't answer as he was too busy laughing at Cartman's defeat.

"I think that's a yes dude," Stan chimed.

"Fuck you Kahl, this is so Jewy of you."

"That makes no sense fatass," Kyle said, his laughter as well as the match came to an end.

"Whatever, at least I'm not a faggy Jew!" Cartman turned to look down at Kenny seated in front of him. "Kinny, don't you think that last move was super Jewy of Kahl." Cartman continued, "Like, only a Jew would pull that shit in a sad moment of desperation."

Kenny turned and smiled up at the three. "On a scale from dreidel to menorah I think a blue shell hit is negative Jew."

This reply had them all laughing, except Kyle who had his arms crossed, the only indication he was amused was with a small smirk gracing his lips. Kenny always thought Kyle was the most fun to make smile, he was always so pissed.

He continued as the collective laughter died down, "It's just a game anyways Cartman. We all know you can't handle losing but—"

"Is that a fucking challenge I hear coming on you ratty po' boy?" Cartman glared.

Kenny's smile faltered at the poor comment, but it came back in an blink of an eye. He's used to that shit by now. He's heard far worse than just the passing mention of his family's financial status before. Besides, it was just Cartman, he's always been a piece of trash but he definitely mellowed out in recent years. But today Kenny wasn't in the mood for anyone's shit let alone his. He wanted to at least momentarily forget that his life was basically over. Plus, Cartman was always ripping on Kyle for being Jewish, that was literally nothing in comparison.

Kenny snarled. "Well there's a fucking challenge now! We're Mario Carting to the death ya'll. Loser has to do whatever dare the winner comes up with."

Cartman smirked at this newfound challenge. "Ready to suck it then?"

"Wait, shit you guys. Are we all doing this?" Stan added warily, not wanting to be on the receiving end of one of Cartman's dares.

"Yeah, I didn't sign up for this when I called you Kenny."

Kyle and Kenny's eyes locked. Determination glinting across their faces.

"Why? Scared Kyle?"

"You wish."

The race begun. All four boys giving their best efforts because no one wanted to have to do a dare; their masculinities were far to fragile to admit that they didn't actually want to do this in the first place. Why did everything they do together have to become a challenge?

Kenny pulled ahead with Toad on a motorbike. Finish line in sight. He began to physically lean forwards and push harder on the buttons of the controller as if that would make him any faster. Kyle was quietly giggling to his right. Kenny frowned. 'Why was he—?'

Interrupting his own thought, Kenny spoke in disbelief. "Kyle did you seriously just hit me with a fucking blue shell?" The other racers zoomed past Kenny. Computers and all. He was dead last now.

Kyle was practically doubled over himself in his fit of laughter.

"Told you only Jews do that shit," Cartman mumbled.

Kyle rubbed tears of laughter from his eyes, ignoring the comment. "Even though I didn't win," he gave a toothy smile, "seeing the absolute horror on you face was prize enough for me."

Kenny sighed, knowing his fate. "Wait who won?"

"I did!" Stan beamed, he might as well have given himself a high five he looked so proud.

Kenny's first though was, 'thank god.' Stan's dares were usually the tamest out of them all. They can still be awful, but nothing near the atrocities that Cartman could conjure.

"I'm sure you cheated Stan."

Ignoring Cartman Stan spoke, "Kenny I dare you to…" His eyes swept the room, looking for something to jump out at him as a potential object to use in the dare. His eyes fell back on Kenny, gaze scraping up and down his frame. He smirked and continued. "I dare you to piss on your parka."

Cartman scoffed, "Oh please Stan, Kenny would do that for five cents, that's not much of a dare."

Kenny had already stood up, pulling down his hood and removing his parka. There's no way he didn't regret suggesting this in the first place but he'd take this over eating Cartman's toenails or something.

"You probably don't want my piss on your floor so I'll take this to the deck," Kenny said to Cartman, turning to walk towards the back exit.

"Stan this is gross and cruel," Kyle shot, looking quite appalled that Kenny so willingly took the dare.

"So we got the Kenny defense squad over here now? Didn't know you could go from Jew to cock sucker so quickly," Cartman quipped. "Wait, those are basically the same thing anyways."

Kenny was already out of the house before he could hear Kyle's retort. He was going to have to do some dare or another and he rather get this over with now than be subjected to his friends arguing for the next hour. He knew the yelling match inside would last until he went back in. So Kenny sat himself on the edge of Cartman's back deck and gazed at the stars before proceeding with the dare.

The stars seemed particularly dim tonight. Maybe they were reflecting his mood? He was able to forget todays events while inside the house, but the second he left the group reality came swooping down again.

How would he tell the guys he won't be with them at school next Monday, or ever again for that matter? That Friday seemed to be the beginning of very, very long weekend for Kenny.

Would they still hangout with him even if they didn't see each other on a daily? Or would they eventually forget about him and stop seeing him altogether? Or worse, hang with him out of pity? He felt sick at the thought.

They'll think he's stupid, won't they? Cartman will surly get a good laugh but he didn't care so much for his opinion. What would Stan say? He can envision Stan's mouth agape, lost for words. What would Kyle say? He would be so unbelievably disappointed in him, and that was painful to think about. He never really understood why he felt the need to impress Kyle. Probably because in his head, Kenny felt closest to Kyle. Even though the four of them have always been a crew, Kenny considered Kyle to be his best friend, even if he wasn't his in return. He didn't mind that really, as long as Kyle was just _there_.

Kyle was the only one that ever really paid attention to what Kenny said. He actually made an effort to connect with him and listen. He was the only one that believed that Kenny could make something of himself, and now—

Kenny rubbed his hands roughly across his face, resting his elbows on his knees, and once again turned his attention toward the sky. A shiver ran down his spine. How long has he been sitting out here? He didn't know or care. He just wanted to get this over with so he could go back into Cartman's heated home.

He stood from his spot on the deck and tossed his parka onto the grass. They never did specify how much he had to piss. So he settled with a generous one and a half second pee.

After the deed was done. He picked up his parka, it had an almost unnoticeable wet patch on the back. Seemingly unfazed, he turned to go back in, parka in tow.

…

"Ay! Get your sweaty money grabbin' hands off of me!" Kenny could immediately hear his friends as he opened the screen door. He was right of course, the bickering was still going on.

Nobody noticed as he re-entered the living room.

Kenny repositioned himself in his spot in front of the couch. Kyle leaned over Stan to slap the crap out of Cartman.

"That's what you get dick-hole!" Kyle yelled.

"Fuck! Just get off!" Cartman looked down and noticed Kenny. "L-look! Kinny's back inside! Let's see if he did the dare!" His desperate attempt to get Kyle to stop hitting him worked. Kyle got one last slap in before he retreated back to his seat and stared down at Kenny.

"Show us the jacket," Stan urged.

Kenny rolled his eyes and stood back up so they could get a good look at the parka he held.

"That's it?" questioned Cartman. "That's like, nothing. You pussied out."

"Nobody specified anything!" Kenny grinned triumphantly, he loved out witting his friends.

"How do we know that's even piss?" Stan added.

Kenny smirked, "You guys wanna smell it then?"

Scrunching up his nose making a clearly disguised face Kyle concluded. "Um no, I think we'll all pass."

Kenny sat down in his spot for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. There was a heavy silence, but conversation eventually picked up again, dare already forgotten. Kenny didn't contribute though, he still found himself busy in his own head.

The conversation eventually moved on to school and homework.

"Kenny, earth to Ken. I asked you a question," Stan said as he gave Kenny a few light taps on the head.

"Oh, sorry. What?"

"I said have you started the review for our auto test on Monday?"

Kenny sputtered. He guessed this was a good enough time as any. "No, I'm not going to school on Monday."

Kyle immediately jumped in. "Dude, why?"

"Probably skipping to go to a drug infested prostitution ring," Cartman sneered. "Or maybe to the annual homeless circle jerk."

Kenny had a hard time finding his words. "No, um"—the room was silent. The others have never really seen Kenny so solemn before—"I'm never going back guys. I was"—his voice became quieter if that was even possible—"I was expelled."

Nobody moved. It felt like nobody was even breathing. Kenny felt as if he were choking on the silence. All he could do was look at the floor and pray for an excuse to leave.

"Y-you, what?" Kyle looked dumbfounded.

"I was expelled," Kenny said just the slightest bit louder. Still not looking up at the group.

"No, I heard you, I just—" Kyle wasn't even able to finish his sentence.

Kenny gained the smallest amount of strengthen and turned his head to gaze up at his friends from the floor. He couldn't help but chuckle. It's exactly how he had imagined it. Kyle looked outwardly pissed, but he could see the disappointment in his eyes. Stan's stare was vacant, his mouth slightly agape. Ha! Did he know his friends or what? He turned to glance at Cartman, waiting for the inevitable jab about how he expected something like this to happen eventually. But to Kenny's surprise it never came. Cartman looked as dumbfounded as the rest of them, eyes firmly locked on Kenny. Could he possibly be disappointed? Kenny shivered slightly. If he didn't already know his life was going to shit, Cartman being disappointed in him would have acted as a fat red warning sign.

Kenny turned back around. Resting his hands on his knees. Pulling at the loose strings coming from the hole in the knee of his jeans. Still nobody dared to speak.

Kenny felt an invisible weight pressing on his throat. He thinks he might puke. He never wanted to feel the disgusting sense of being so utterly worthless again. But he already knew the feeling would likely haunt him for a long time. It was already always there, he found it easy to ignore, but now it was right in his face and he felt as if his body was radiating the feeling further.

At a lame attempt to move on from the engulfing silence Stan garbled. "Um, is anyone down for another round of Mario Cart?"

"No Stan, hold on. We really need to talk about this." Kyle put on his 'calm mature adult' voice. Kenny hated that voice, it was an indication that a very disappointed lecture was coming. Kyle turned his gaze away from Stan and back to Kenny. For the second time that night their eyes met, but there was not an inkling of the adrenaline they felt earlier. His gaze was burning holes into Kenny, and killing him from the inside out.

"Kenny, when did this happen? Why didn't you tell me?" Kyle spoke softly, as if Kenny could shatter at any moment.

Kenny felt completely humiliated. "It was today, right before last period." Kenny's cheeks were on fire, he needed to go.

"Kenny, you should have told me right away, I would have had your back in a second," Kyle breathed.

"Yeah dude." Stan managed to gain the strength to add to the awkward conversation. "Kyle's right, we all would have defended you. We would have made sure this didn't happen."

Similar rage he felt during his altercation with Principle Victoria rushed through his body.

"How Stan? How the ever-loving fuck would any of you have helped?" Kenny turned to face them fully now, sitting up on his knees, practically screeching.

Kyle let out a long, frustrated exhale, the same kind you used when dealing with an angry child. Kenny could sense it.

"Kenny, he's just saying—look, just calm down. Maybe we could have talked to the principal and helped prove to her that—"

"Shut the fuck up Kyle!" Kenny stood. "What the fuck do you even know? You're not a fucking lawyer like your damn dad you prick! You couldn't have won my damn case! This isn't court, this is high school!" His hands were so obviously shaking. Kyle looked slightly scared, he pushed himself further back into the couch.

Kenny couldn't help but notice this. He calmed down substantially with a few hard exhales. The wave of embarrassment he was all too familiar with flushed through his senses.

"Kyle, I—" Kenny began, suddenly finding the picture of a chunky eight-year-old Cartman with his mother hung above the couch very interesting. "I-I'm sorry, I think I should just go." He turned to exit but an unexpected voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Kenny wait," Cartman said. He stood from his frozen position on the couch and moved in front of him. "I hate to say it but Kahl has a point. You should have told us, we—" he coughed, "we like, care about you dude. Not in a gay way, but we could have maybe like, helped." Cartman's eyes were anywhere except Kenny's, making it very obvious he totally never does this. "Well, I mean there's obviously a reason your retarded ass got expelled but—" Man, he was doing so well.

A hand on his shoulder prevented him from pushing past Cartman. Stan turned him around to face himself as well as a still shaken Kyle.

"What fatass is trying to say is, we're here dude, and we're totally going into school on Monday to demand they fix this." Stan was so damn optimistic it hurt.

"You guys are so quick to defend me I almost can't believe it. But you assholes don't even know why I was expelled." Kenny was guided back to the couch but silently refused to sit. "The reasons were completely valid. It was for all the fights and stupid shit I managed to get caught doing around the school. Plus, all the lates and shit. It was honestly a long time coming."

"Now that you've said it, I'm surprised you haven't been expelled sooner." He knew Cartman's burst of kindness would be short lived. He fell right back into the position Kenny originally expected him too.

Kyle suddenly broken out of his trance and shouted. "Then how the fuck haven't you been expelled yet fatass? You've done way more despicable things in the past seventeen years than Kenny could do in his entire life!"

"I'm just careful about it and Kinny's a reckless little bitch!" Cartman retorted.

"Guys can you just chill for ten seconds!" Stan hissed.

Static noise, that all Kenny heard, no words at all. Nobody seamed to notice that he had made his way to the front door and was already turning the handle. He suddenly realized his friends _never_ seemed to notice his presence. They were always so wrapped up in each other they forget about the vulgar blonde that was supposed to complete their group. He guessed they really won't miss him too much at school.

Noise came rushing back through his ears, as for the second time that night Stan grabbed his shoulder and spun him around.

Cartman and Kyle were still in the heat of their yelling match, so Stan spoke slightly louder than one would under normal circumstance.

"Kenny, just ignore those two idiots for now. You can leave but I don't think any of us want you going thinking we hate you or something," Stan shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "This won't change anything, we'll still all hang and stuff…" he trailed off, the situation clearly awkward for both of them. These boys weren't particularly good at expressing their feelings. That's just how society shaped them.

Kenny sighed. "It's fine, I know, Stan." Yet he couldn't help but feel like it was a lie, that they really did hate him now. He wondered if they even liked him to begin with.

"Yeah, haha…" Stan obviously didn't know how they were to end this painfully awkward conversation. "Too bad you couldn't like, dress up as a different person and come back to school as someone totally new."

Kenny's eyebrows furrowed at the strange comment. "Yeah, too bad…"

Stan finally managed to look at his face. "So, we'll see you later then, right dude?"

"Yeah, see yah."

Kenny turned and walked straight towards his truck, not looking back to see if Stan closed the door.

He drove all the way back to his dingy house in silence. Only to be greeted by more screaming the instant he entered the threshold.

For the second time that day Kenny fell asleep with all of his clothes on.

...

Please let me know if you think this fic is worth the read. It's the first one I've ever brought myself to post, so feel free to give tips and corrections. I've decided at the end of each chapter I'm going to ask you readers a question to keep the comment section fun and exciting.

Pet peeve: I hate it in fics when people make Eric the villain for no determinable reason. I love a good, 'Cartman is the bad guy' type fic; he is literally the worst person ever, but sometimes it's just so unnecessary to the story to make him the cause of all the problems. So here's your question:

1\. What do you hate about fannon Cartman and the way he is written in fics?

REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE HAS A RIGHT TO THEIR OWN OPINION SO STAY NICE TO EACH OTHER (and yes, you can disagree with my opinion as well).


	2. Chapter 2: For Karen

Kenny has spent most of his Saturday harassing his little sister. Well, she would call it harassment, he just enjoyed teasing her.

"Kenny, are you gonna leave my room now? I'm trying to do my science homework here," Karen droned. An outsider might think she really wanted her brother gone, but Kenny knew her well enough to understand that the little smirk she held meant he wasn't annoying her quite yet. But he was definitely getting there.

"I'm not even doing anything! I'm just chilling in my baby sisters room with her." He stated, proceeding to make a mock sad expression, "I get it Kare, you're just to old and cool now to hang around with your big brother. Ninth grade has really changed you and you've only been in high school for a week!"

"I'm sorry that I actually care about my education," she drawled.

Kenny hissed at her retort. He still hasn't told her about his expulsion, or anyone else in his family for that matter. He didn't think he ever would. It might become difficult considering he and Karen are now supposed to be attending the same school. He figures if she ever asks why she never sees him in the halls he could play it off. He didn't want to think about that right now, it's only Saturday and he still had all of Sunday for the true panic to set in.

"I care about your education too and I'm glad you're such a little damn smarty pants." Karen was easily the smartest in the McCormick house. Kevin was pretty smart too actually, people thought he was dumb but he proved them all wrong. He smarted up in high school and Kenny was proud to say his big brother moved out real fast and became an electricians apprentice. He never went to college but he saved up enough money to move to Denver. He was a full-blown electrician now, working for a small family owned company. He sends a letter from time to time, but money still wasn't copious so he only sent about twenty bucks at most back to his family in South Park. His parents usually spent it on booze unless Kenny got his hands on it first. He would take the money and put in away for Karen's schooling, occasionally dipping into the savings to purchase something that would benefit the whole house. Like the new toaster that doesn't burn their Eggo waffles.

"If you really cared you would leeeeeave!" Karen sung, playfully pushing her brother off the foot of her bed.

Currently, Karen aspired to be in some kind of social work. Kenny thinks she was compelled by their shitty home life. She wanted to talk to family's and take care of kids just like her; people who were born into suffering. Kenny was going to help her reach that goal even if it meant him not going to college. He guesses it doesn't even matter now, at least he can fully focus on helping Karen succeed.

It would be nice to go to school and make money to support her from a salary that wasn't comprised of the minimum wage.

"Ken"—Karen's voice shocked Kenny back into reality. He's been spacing out pretty intensely these past two days—"you're smart too you know. In your own blubbering dorky way. I know you think you're dumb sometimes, and don't try to deny it, I'm your sister so I automatically know everything!" Kenny smiled as she continued, "But you're gonna make it. Look how close you are to the finish line Ken! You graduate this year and no matter what you do afterwards I'll be proud. Mum and Dad and Kev will be proud too."

Kenny's heart was bleeding. Why did she always do this? Karen had a habit of getting existential and enjoyed giving him speeches about life. Kind of like Kyle in a way but without the underlying panic. Sometimes, he thinks she was meant to be the older sibling. He might as well add Karen to the list of people he was going to disappoint.

"Yeah, thanks Kare. But I'm the big brother here, I'm supposed give the life pep talks!" He couldn't bring himself to tell her of his expulsion just yet. He didn't want to risk shattering her current smile, it was absolutely blinding. He didn't deserve to receive a smile like that, but he was selfish.

Kenny made his way to her bedroom door, turning to face Karen before he walked out. "I'll leave you to it then Kare Bear. Holler if you miss me!"

"I won't!"

With that, he closed the door and sauntered back to his own room.

…

He was doing it again. Feeling like shit as he lay face first on his pillow. He walked himself into a depressive rut in a whopping two days. He kept telling himself to get it together, that other people have it far worse and he should be grateful that he still has a sister who cares about him. But it was just so hard to be positive when his life as he currently knew it was tearing away.

The passing thought of his friends had him groaning. Yesterday was awful, he had no intention of telling them about his expulsion the way he had but it seems that the Gods enjoy seeing him suffer.

Stan said something kind of weird before Kenny left, and for some reason it's stuck with him.

" _Too bad you couldn't like, dress up as a different person and come back to school as someone totally new_."

At the time, Kenny brushed it of as Stan's awkward banter, but after his talk with Karen he couldn't help but wonder.

What if he tried it? What if he went back to school as someone else? Kenny knew it was a dumb idea and that Stan meant nothing by it, but for some reason Kenny found himself standing in front of his cramped closest, shuffling through the clothes he wore the least.

If at this point he wasn't graduating for himself, he at least wanted to graduate for Karen.

He held up a dark green t-shirt with an odd-looking skull adaptation print on the chest. He clearly never wears this, evident by the moth ball sent it emitted. He tossed it behind him and began a more in-depth search. He came across a few other moth ball infested shirts and added it to the small pile. Would people even buy-it at all? He'd have to dye his hair or something but even still, he was sure people would recognize his face. On the other hand, he had practically worn a hood all his life. His parka was like a security blanket, not that he would admit that. Every time he out grew it, Kenny would march to the thrift store and purchase another obnoxious orange parka. There always seemed to be one. People probably just don't like orange. He always pulled the hood up, and it engulfed his face, only eyes being seen. He pulled it down when necessary, like when he was making a snarky remark in class, or when he was courting a hot babe. He wouldn't wear the jacket in the summer months obviously, he wasn't that crazy, but that's still about five or so months of the year where people could fully stare at him.

In the midst of his search he pulled out a small box that read _Princess_ on the top in shaky black sharpie. Kenny let out a small laugh. He remembered what was in there.

He lowered to his knees and opened the box to reveal a small replica of Princess Zelda's dress. He was proud back then that he made it himself, he was still proud now if he was being honest. It still looked good, but it held the same moth ball smell as the other articles.

He loved playing make-believe and being the princess amongst his wizard and elven friends. When he was Princess Kenny he was the center of attention. Everyone wanted to be around him and would compliment him non-stop. He was fully comfortable in his gender, he rather enjoyed being a boy actually, but he also liked being called pretty and soft words that were conventionally reserved for describing women. He liked being called beautiful, boys aren't supposed to be beautiful, but this was the one time in his life when he _was_. He also enjoyed wearing skirts and dresses, he felt so free and unstoppable in a weird way. It was kind of empowering for him. If he could, he would still wear dresses, but he wasn't a kid anymore and society wasn't so forgiving. He honestly didn't give a fuck what other people thought of him, but he hated to admit that he does care about what the people in his immediate life would think. Besides, if he could avoid unnecessary ridicule and confrontations he would. He doesn't actually seek out fights as some would assume.

Pushing the dress aside, Kenny pulled out a child sized blond wig from the box. If he could even call it a wig anymore. It was completely matted and un-saveable, it resembled more of a rat's nest than the pristine party store wig it once was.

Kenny kept smiling as he repacked the box and placed it into its corner of the closet, where it again would collect dust.

Another wave of sadness hit Kenny as he sat back on his bed. Being nostalgic could be upsetting sometimes.

Kenny looked back at his closed closet door, staring as if he could see the box through it. He wondered if he had kept that wig neat maybe he could have used it.

Holy shit that's it.

This was easily the stupidest idea he had ever had, royally stupid, only using dry shampoo for three weeks level stupid. He won't pretend to be a new guy at school.

He'd be a new _girl_.

…

Kenny somehow found himself clutching what little money he hadn't put away for Karen and walking straight towards one of South Parks only hair salons. He'd seen the place in passing but he had never gone inside. The salon had a bunch of nice looking wigs in the window. Kenny knew if he was doing this he couldn't half ass it, a party store wig just wouldn't work this time around.

He pushed open the front door and a small bell chimed indicating his arrival. The woman at the front counter turned to smile at him, but that expression was short lived, it was replaced with a rather confused one. He knew he couldn't be their most conventional costumer but it wasn't that shocking to see a teenaged boy in here, right?

"Honey, can ask what you're doin' in here?" The woman's smile returned but the confusion never left her brow. The woman was about middle aged and wore a black smock over a flowy red dress which stood out against her dark skin. She was very tall, taller than him. She had long black wavy hair that beautifully shaped her petite round face. Her bright red lips curled upwards as she chuckled lightly watching Kenny intensely survey the room.

The room was that of a standard salon, nothing crazy, but the walls were lined with all types of wigs. Rainbow wigs, massive volume with elegant ringlets, short bobs, it seems as if they had every wig imaginable. He really did come to the right place.

"Um yeah," He said tearing his eyes away from a woman seemingly getting her hair styled into a blue mohawk. He turned to the lady at the counter, "I'm looking for a wig."

"A wig?"

"Yeah, a wig." Was he speaking another language here? Kenny didn't understand why this lady looked so surprised. He noticed a small pin on her chest, it read _Richelle_.

"Sweetheart, this is a black woman's hair salon. Now, are you gonna tell me the real reason a pretty little white boy like you came in here or will we be standin' here all day?"

Oh, it made more sense why she looked so weirded out now. He was honestly surprised this place could open up in South Park. There were maybe six black residents he knew of and about half of them were in this place.

"No, uh, I actually came here to buy a wig."

Richelle raised an eyebrow, leaning her elbow on the counter, "So you're not gonna rob my shop?"

"No, I would never do that," Kenny chuckled, reading Richelle's sarcasm, "why? You that bored?" he quipped.

Richelle laughed at his quick come back, "Alrighty then, anything particular you lookin' for?"

Shit, he didn't actually think that far ahead.

"Not really, just something long," he eyed the room again, "and girly…" His eyes stopped on a wig head perched directly above Richelle, it graced a stunning, voluminous, golden-blonde wig. He would say it was almost dead on to his own natural hair. He wasn't necessarily looking for something to match his hair, but this wig truly captivated him. He pointed at the wig, "That one, I would like that one."

Richelle turned around and pulled the head down from its home on the shelf, and placed it on the reception desk between them. "This one?" she asked.

He couldn't look away from its dazzling flowy locks. "Yes," he breathed.

"Can I ask if this is for you?" she smirked.

"It's not for me, it's for my…" he didn't anticipate that either, "mom. It's a gift for my mom."

Richelle scoffed, he took that as a sign that she didn't believe him. Kenny felt that he was pretty damn good at dealing with unwanted social situations. When he wanted to speak, conversation came easily to him. He loved interacting and socializing, but this was probably one of the most awkward exchanges he's had in a while.

"Yeah, she has this hair condition where it just falls out of her head in huge clumps." He thinks that's a real thing. He'd definitely heard about it before but the name of the condition was slipping his mind. "And I thought she would enjoy having a nice full head of hair again, so I—"

"So it _is_ for you."

"Yeah."

There was no point in trying to lie again. If she wouldn't sell it to him he'd just have to settle for the party store.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, no judgment here. Would you like to try it on in the back room? Nobody is over there," Richelle spoke.

"Really?" Kenny was blushing profusely, yet another thing he did not expect out of this day.

Richelle grabbed the wig head and walked out from behind the desk, "Of course hon, just follow me." Kenny had to lightly jog to keep up, her long legs outstepped him easily.

They walked through an archway which opened to what seemed to be a designated hair washing area. The room was littered with faux-leather reclined chairs, paired with large black rinsing tubs. Richelle gestured for him to sit in the third chair from the doorway and he obliged.

She pulled herself a stool out from the corner of the room that leveled with his chair, and sat in front of him. They were the same height sitting; this woman really was all legs.

Richelle placed the wig head on the chair to their right and pulled out some bobby-pins from the front pocket of her smock. She placed a few between her lush lips and immediately pushed Kenny's parka hood back and began pinning his hair. "Now," she mumbled, pulling another pin from her lips to place in his hair, "I'm moving all this hair out of your face so it doesn't peak through when I put the weave on. Since I assume you don't actually want me to weave your hair into the wig we'll settle for bobbying." Kenny just nodded, he had no idea what any of that meant but he trusted she knew how to do her job. "I'd give you a wig cap but I'm guessing you don't do this often so it might itch your head. Plus, I think you can just barley get away without one; why add the discomfort if we can do without."

Once she finished moving all of his hair, she removed the wig from its stand and began to position it on his head. As she was tugging it on she spoke, "This here is a human hair lace front wig, very high quality. It blends seamlessly into the hairline and is meant to replicate the exact look that actual hair coming out of your head would." That sounded great to him, the more realistic the better. Richelle tilted his head to the left and right a couple times and inched the wig around a bit before she was satisfied. She let out a content sigh and placed a few more bobby-pins to fully secure it to his head. "There you go hon, all ready to go." She slid open a drawer from the side of the chair and pulled out a hand mirror. She held it up in front of him so he could admire her work. He couldn't help but lean forward and take the mirror out of her hand to get a better look.

Oh wow.

He was in awe.

It looked really, well, really _real_. The blonde slowly reached his hand up to stroke the wig, he tenderly raked his fingers through it as if scared to damage it. He made eye contact with himself in the mirror, he could hardly recognize who he was looking at.

"You look stunning sweetie, it suits you, you're absolutely _beautiful_ ," Richelle said in a whisper, not wanting to startle him in the midst of his admiration.

Kenny sucked in a breath. He actually felt _beautiful_ again, just like when he was little playing princess. His hands begun to shake, he wasn't going to cry here. Kenny doesn't cry because someone he was just acquainted with called him beautiful.

"Thank you so much," he managed to croak, "I love it."

"I'm glad, and I still don't know why you want this thing," she gestured toward the wig, "but whatever the reason may be, I hope you don't rough it up to badly," she laughed, Kenny laughed with her.

"Alright, let's go ring you up." She begun pulling all the bobby-pins out of his hair, as she did she ran through the basics of the cleaning and maintenance, storage, what products where best to use for it, as well as a step-by-step of how to put it on and secure it in place.

"I almost forgot to ask your name hon."

"I'm Kenny."

"It's been lovely havin' you here today Kenny, I'm Richelle."

When they reached the till, Richelle tossed a net around the wig and placed it in a special bag that wouldn't ruin it during travel, that bag was then put into a regular plastic bag. "Ok sweetie, that'll be three seventy-five."

"Wait, like, three dollars and seventy-five cents?" he asked.

Richelle chuckled, "No, three hundred and seventy-five dollars. You're buyin' a high-end wig here."

Kenny froze. He didn't have that kind of money. Shit, he was so excited about that wig and now he was going to have to walk out of there without it.

"I-I don't have that kind of money," he stammered, "I only got a hundred on me." He grabbed all the cash he was saving for himself before he left, he knew this wouldn't be cheap. What he was saving for he didn't exactly know, but he managed to collet one hundred dollars from a couple months' work at City Wok. "Would you take what I have and trust that this 'pretty little white boy' will pay you back?" He knew that tossing her own words back at her was lame but he would be damned if he didn't at least try to get what he needed.

"Give me seventy-five and you can take the wig," she smirked.

Kenny was taken aback. "You can't be serious."

"I am very serious, I've never had anyone like you come around here before Kenny, you got a fight in yah that I just really like." She grabbed the bag containing the wig and handed it to him, "Think of it as thanks for spicing up my day," she paused, "you also get a free hair wash."

Richelle leaned across the counter and placed the bag into Kenny's reluctant hands, "I can't take this." As much as he wanted to bolt out of the salon with the wig, he couldn't bring himself to take something given to him out of pity.

"Open the bag." He furrowed his brow but did as he was told. Richelle then reached behind the counter and pulled out a wig head, a brush and travel sized shampoo and conditioner. To Kenny's surprised she gently placed each item into the bag.

"Richelle, giving me more things is making me want to take it even less," he droned.

"Don't make me kick you out of my shop now," she jokingly threatened.

"Don't pity me, you have a business to run. Just keep the stuff and we can pretend I was never in here."

Kenny made sure Richelle could see the offense in his face, he wanted it to be clear to her that he did not take kindly to 'hand outs.' Her smile retracted, "I'm not pitying you. It's called kindness Kenny, and seeing your reaction here makes me wonder when the last time someone showed it to you was." Her smile slowly returned, "Now you're gonna take what you have been given, say thanks, and get out of here."

Kenny placed the seventy-five dollars on the table and looked up at Richelle's satisfied smirk, "I'll pay you back, I swear." He didn't think he'd ever been so serious before in his life.

"Run along now," she moved her hand to dismiss him.

"I can't thank you enough Richelle, you're a goddess among men!" he heard her laugh as he walked out of the salon. He had some other errands to run. Kenny had a bit of a skip in his step as he made his way towards the thrift store.

…

The minute Kenny arrived home he put his two full bags of thrift store clothing in his closet. Twenty-five bucks can go a long, long way when thrift shopping. After shopping in thrift stores all of his life, Kenny felt confident in his deal spotting abilities, thus coming home with his bags practically exploding. He tried his best to find girly things he liked as well as the items being cheap, he was pretty damn successful. Seeing the employees confused faces as he brought five skirts and a couple bras into the dressing room was also quite satisfying.

He thought about barrowing clothes from Karen or his mom but decided against it. His mom only really wore graphic tees and jeans and Kenny was going for a look that screamed 'I AM A GIRL NOTHING TO QUESTION HERE' kind of image, and if he wore too many pairs of pants people might start to question his lack of feminine curves. Now, if he took some of his sister's things, not only is she more aware than their mother and would realize they were gone, but there was also a chance she would see him wearing them at school.

Kenny turned off his light, striped down to his blue boxers and leaped into his bed. Even if it wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, there wasn't a better feeling than wrapping himself up in his thin, semi-warm sheet and sleeping off a long day. Well, getting laid was pretty spectacular too; they were tied for best.

Closing his eyes, Kenny mulled over his plans for tomorrow in his head. He was going to go to the library to use the computers. There wasn't a single computer in the McCormick home, and if his friends wouldn't let him use theirs' he was left with the library's. He couldn't let any of the guys know what he was doing, they would just talk him out of it or make fun of him, so the library it was. He needed to do a bit of research on how to actually enroll himself into school, it couldn't possibly be that hard.

Man, was he wrong.

The next day at the library, Kenny found himself a nice secluded computer and eagerly begun his searching. One government site after another and they all said the same thing. He needed proof of his birth, his immunization record and residency record. Why couldn't it be like the movies where the main character just shows up at school without question? He'd made fake IDs and has forged documents to go on field trips before but there's no way he could bullshit all of those government records without getting caught. This was such a dumb idea. How could he not have realized how obesely obtuse it was to believe he could get away with this, and he just _had_ to realize after he's spent one hundred dollars on the ploy.

The more he thought about it, the stupider he felt. He couldn't pass as a girl anyways. Even though his hair was blonde he was sure people would still notice his stubble when he shaved, they would also probably notice his lack of tits even with a stuffed bra, and he was almost positive someone would question his height. Kenny wasn't the tallest guy in the world but not short either, only 5'7, the same height as Kyle. He'd say he was average but for a guy but as a girl people might think he's too tall. Can girls even be taller than like, 5'5? Well, Richelle from the salon was huge but he thought she was half giant or something. Nichole was pretty tall, about his height, and he's pretty sure Red passes him by a few inches. But still, people would notice he was different and call him out!

Feeling defeated and newly paranoid, Kenny shut off the computer without further research and headed back home for some quality sulking.

…

Monday came around too fast for Kenny's liking. He quickly remembered he would still have to take Karen to school. He'd been driving her to school since he obtained his license. How would he have driven her to school dressed as a chick? Just another flaw in his plan he failed to oversee. If he hadn't already given up, he had now.

He slowly rose from his uncomfortable position on his bed, changed into some clothes he found on the floor, brushed his teeth, grabbed his backpack and sauntered to the kitchen to greet Karen. He still had absolutely no plans to tell her of his expulsion, so he'd just have to pretend he was still in school until he came up with something.

"Ready to go?" Kenny asked his sister, whom when noticed his presence hopped down from her spot on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, let's go," she answered as they both made their way outside to Kenny's truck.

The trip was quiet, the radio had never worked but the morning ride was normally full of casual banter between the two. Karen was very tired having stayed up extremely late attempting to memorize her science notes for a test that wasn't even that week; as for Kenny, he still hadn't brought himself out of his current funk and had no will to converse.

Kenny pulled up to the curb to let Karen off. "Hey, why aren't we parking?" Karen asked.

"I just realized I left something at home. You just jump out here and head in, I'll be right back." Kenny rehearsed the lie in his head all morning.

She looked sceptical, "Alright." Karen proceeded to exit the truck and only when Kenny saw the front doors of the school close behind her did he drive away. He didn't go home, he spent the day driving around town and found himself at Stark's Pond. This became his routine for the next week. Lie to Karen, drive around, end up at the pond, pick up Karen and act like he had been present at school that day.

"Ken, you can tell me if something's bothering you, you know." Karen had decided to pull her 'all knowing sister shtick' the ride home that Thursday.

"It's nothing Kare Bear, you shouldn't worry yourself with me," he replied, eyes trained on the road.

"You've been acting pretty weird this past week, and I'm not going to pretend I haven't noticed."

"Really, there's nothing going on. You'd be the first to know if there was." Fuck, he hated lying to her, Kenny was well aware that Karen worried about him too much. She'd been trying to play mother ever since she realized their own wasn't exactly doing the job.

There was no way Karen was dropping this that easily. "I haven't seen you at school this week," she said matter-of-factly. "Care to explain?"

Kenny quickly moved his eyes from the road to frown at her. He should have expected that one. "Since when do we ever see each other at school? I haven't see you this week either, something you wanna tell me?"

Ignoring his obvious diversion, she continued, "The first week of school I saw you at least four times in the hall. You even stuck your tongue out at me once."

He chuckled, "Well not every week's the same Kare. Plus, more than half of your classes are at the opposite end of mine and we don't share a lunch period. There's bound to be weeks on end where we don't see each other around," he smirked at her, "Why? Seeing me at home isn't enough? Missing me at all hours of the day I see."

"Ew, you wish," she laughed, "I'll let it go for now but promise you'll tell me if something is up, okay?"

"Of course."

Karen looked towards her brother and held out her pinky finger. They've been pinky swearing on things for as long as they could remember. Karen used to make Kenny pinky swear he would protect her from the monsters under her bed.

"Karen, I'm driving here."

"You have to swear."

Kenny sighed not looking away from the road he reached out his pinky, waiting for Karen to connect the two.

"I swear."

…

The following morning was almost exactly the same as every other. Lie to Karen, drop her off at the front of the school, watch her walk inside and then—

"Kenny wait."

"Kyle?" Kyle opened the door to the passenger side of Kenny's truck, taking Karen's usual spot. "Dude why are you in my truck, you have school today."

Kyle ignored Kenny's inquiry, "Just start driving before I change my mind." Kenny didn't need to be told twice.

"Okay, so now that we're moving are you gonna tell me why you're making me responsible for your skipping school?" Kenny didn't know where Kyle wanted them to go, so he decided to take his normal route around town to Starks Pond.

Kyle completely disregarded Kenny's second attempt at the question, "The new principles an asshole," he sighed, "I did talk to him by the way. You know, about retracting your expulsion."

"And how did that work out for yah?" Kenny was practically oozing sarcasm.

Both boys clearly didn't want to further the conversation, so Kenny switched it back to its origins, "You still haven't told me why you're running away from school."

Not giving him any trouble this time, Kyle answered, "Honestly, I didn't intend to skip today but I saw your truck and—I don't know, I just wanted to go."

"Go where exactly?" Kenny questioned.

Kyle, whom had not looked his way once, finally turned his head, "Wherever you'll take me."

Kenny smiled, "Well, I've been driving around everyday and then just ending up at Stark's. So, that's where we're going. I cut the ride around and decided to head straight there," he glanced at Kyle, "If that's cool with you."

"Stark's sounds fine." The rest of the ride was completed in silence. Once they arrived, they both wordlessly hopped out of the truck, and Kyle allowed Kenny to guide him to his usual bench where he waited out the school day.

Kyle took a seat on the bench outlooking the pond and Kenny loitered near the edge, trying to find flat stones to skip. "So, this is what you've been doing huh," it wasn't a question, more of a general statement.

"Yeah pretty much," he replied, holding up a particularly smooth rock up to the sunlight, "I like the silence." Kenny received a hum of acknowledgment in response. Despite considering Kyle his closest friend, they didn't often spend time alone, they always had the other guys around during a hangout. Kenny wouldn't say it was awkward to be alone with him, just kind of unfamiliar, there was long silences between their dialogue. It was quite pathetic to consider Kyle his best friend when he thought about it.

Satisfied with the rocks he had found, Kenny bent his knees to skip his first one. Six skips, nice. After a couple more tosses Kyle sauntered up next to him. "Dude, you're really good at this."

"It's easy, look." Kenny expertly demonstrated an eight-skip toss.

Kyle playfully pushed Kenny's shoulder, "Easy my ass! That was like, ten skips dude. I probably can't even get three."

"Trust me, it's not that hard." Kenny handed over a few rocks from the small pile he created. "Just like, flick your wrist and," he paused to skip a stone, "then it jumps!"

"Okay." Kyle copied Kenny's stance, pursed his lips, pulled back his wrist and— "I didn't even get one skip!" Kyle tried to yell over Kenny's laughing.

"You looked so serious too, oh my God!" Kenny wheezed.

"Fuck you, Kenny!" Kyle's face was almost as red as his hair.

Trying to stifle his giggles, Kenny offered Kyle another stone. "Here, here. J-just try again," he grinned.

With a huff, Kyle took the stone and readied himself to throw. "Wait," Kenny said, "you're holding it weird." Kenny reached out and grabbed the hand Kyle held the rock in. Kyle's breath hitched as he allowed Kenny to slowly manipulate his figures to the correct position on the rock. Kenny looked at Kyle's face only to have their noses almost bump. "Try it like this," he breathed. Their eyes held for a moment before Kyle coughed and took a step back.

"Alright," he sighed, tossing the stone into the still pond water. "Hell yeah, four skips!" Kyle fist pumped the air and Kenny found himself laughing again. "See, I told you it was easy!"

They continued to silently skip stones, strange moment forgotten, occasionally trying to knock each other over to mess up the skip—both boys losing track of time.

"Hey," Kyle spoke, breaking the prolonged pause, "I miss you." Kenny immediately snapped his head in Kyle's direction. "I mean w-we all miss you! Like me and the guys! School is pretty lame without you Kenny," he corrected.

Kenny frowned. "Really? I honestly didn't think you guys would really notice," he said truthfully.

"Of course we do! Shits more boring now and Stan is having a hard time keeping me from murdering Cartman. That was always your specialty," Kyle gave him a weak smile, "And I-we, miss your shitty quips and stupid grin," he mumbled at the ground.

Kenny was smiling so hard he thought his cheeks might get stuck like that. It was reassuring to know that he completed the group and the guys noticed his absence. With all the horrible feelings he'd been harbouring this past week, he truly was grateful that he had Kyle speaking these words of admiration. He didn't think he would believe it coming from anyone else.

Before Kenny even got a word out Kyle continued, "Besides," he looked back towards Kenny, "we aren't Kyle, Kenny, Stan and Cartman without the Kenny."

Kenny's smile grew even wider if that was possible, "Can we be Kenny, Kyle, Stan and Cartman instead? I feel like that just flows smoother," he snickered, "but I honestly though people just called us 'Stan's Gang.'"

Kyle joined Kenny's snickering, "People do call us that I think." Both boys found themselves in a bit of a laughing fit after that, but were rudely interrupted by the blaring tune of _Barbie Girl_.

"Hello," Kenny panted, answering his phone.

"Kenny where the hell are you? School is over."

His eyes widened. Have they really been at Starks Pond all day? "Shit, sorry Kare. I'll be over in a sec." Kenny began walking towards his truck and glanced back at Kyle. "Dude, school is already over, I gotta pick up my sister. Let's go!"

"Have we really been here all day?"

"I know man, I'm kinda surprised too."

On the ride back to school Kenny couldn't help but ask.

"So, Kyle."

"Yeah?"

"How are you gonna explain the phone call home you're bound to get for skipping to your mother?"

"Fuck."

Kenny had to grip the steering wheel harder to prevent from swerving as he found himself doubled over in laughter for what seemed to be the tenth time that day.

"Shut up Kenny," Kyle sighed, "I'm never skipping again."

…

That day was unexpected but enjoyable for Kenny. After Karen lectured him about skipping, Kenny hauled himself up in his room, again exhausted from a long day. He kept replaying the day in his head. He really did enjoy spending time with Kyle. He made a mental note to try to get him away from the other two more often.

Kenny glanced at his closet where his un-bagged wig and clothing would likely sit forever. Another mental note was added to the list; he needed to return all of that stuff. He didn't want to think about Richelle's possibly disappointed face after all she'd done for him. So his mind went back to Kyle; how much Kenny loved annoying him and making him laugh, he thought about Kyle's kind words and his friends' seeming distain for Kenny's absence. Kyle looked almost hurt that Kenny was missing everything.

Maybe his friends did want him around. Kenny again looked towards his closet. He _could_ still be around if he wanted, he might not exactly be hanging out with them but he could at least keep up with all the dumb high school drama to better contribute to the conversations they may have.

Then there was Karen.

How could he forget the reason he was doing this in the first place? He wanted to graduate for her, to make her proud of him. That was the real reason he had gone through all of this trouble.

Something inside Kenny switched, and he was filled with a new drive to finish what he started.

Kenny was going to get back into school as girl even if he fucks up in the process.

Kenny fell into a restless sleep that night, his mind running with ideas on how to get around the hurdles that were the registration process.

He would probably spend his whole Saturday at the library. He didn't mind.

* * *

This has been my favourite chapter to write so far tbh. Next chapter Kenny finally gets to go back to school! I feel like I look kind of whiny adding pet peeves to the end of each chapter but idc it's fun.

Pet Peeve: people giving Kenny a job in fics but not giving him expendable cash. I'm all for Kenny saving what he has for Karen but I do think he has his own personal savings. He literally bought a PSP in cannon ya'll.

Question: what kind of job do you headcannon Kenny having when he's an adult, if one at all?


	3. Chapter 3: First Day

He managed it. Kenny actually managed to get all the records he needed to register himself to South Park Secondary. Just as he predicted, he spent his entire Saturday stuck on a computer at the library—but who cares about how sore his ass was right now, he did it! It honestly wasn't that hard. He should have had more faith in himself the first time around, then he could already be at school with everyone and working for that diploma.

The moment Kenny sat down at the same secluded computer as the last time he was there, he began to work. He decided to start simple and tried Googling 'Colorado immunization record'. He squinted at the screen, bewildered for a moment, right there on Google Images was an actual template of the official document. He skimmed all the questions and quickly filled it out, signing it off with a fake doctor's signature.

The birth certificate was slightly more difficult and easily took the most amount of time to create. Again, Kenny found what he was looking for on Google Images. Why people posted their birth certificates online was beyond him, but he was thankful for the weirdos who did. He didn't find a template, but he chose an image of a Colorado birth certificate and proceeded to download the thirty-day free trial of photoshop to the clunky dinosaur that was the library's computer. Downloading took a full hour due to the computers age, so Kenny busied himself with YouTube tutorials on how to photoshop. He took tech last year and already knew how to work the program, but a quick refresher and a few more helpful tips wouldn't kill him. He spent a solid three and half hours pasting all of his made-up information into the correct slots. He still needed a name.

Kenny had no idea how he hadn't thought of a name sooner. The only thing that came to him was one of the many female adaptations of his own name, _Kendra_. Suspicious sounding, but he figured it would be best. He wouldn't have to get accustom to a completely new name and maybe some people would still call him Kenny. There's no way he could have any mishaps with people calling his name and him not answering with an alias like that. Now for a last name. Kenny peered around the room for an idea, eyes gliding over the rows of shelves, they stopped at the fiction section. Is fiction a last name? He didn't care, he new he would use it the second his eyes landed on the sign. It was funny, 'Kendra Fiction', like, 'Kendra Not-Fucking-Real.'

His last document to forge was his residency record. He found another template online (go figure) but it took a good minute of scratching his head before he decided to just use his own street name but with a made-up house number and zip code. The school wouldn't care, he doubted they check that shit. Before Kenny could doubt his final decision, he printed all three documents at the library's dingy printer for a whopping fifteen cents. That was one of the reasons he loved to do work in the library, everything was free or obscenely cheap, just like him. He chuckled lowly at his self-deprecation.

Kenny did actually have one more thing to do. Collecting his completed prints, he sat back down at the computer and wrote up a letter pretending to be his own parents. The letter was addressed to the new principle and explained that the 'Fiction' family was moving from Denver to South Park—it was the closest major city and seemed most likely for a family to come from there. The letter also stated that the Fiction's daughter had been homeschooled her entire schooling career, which was the reason no previous record of her existed in any public-school board. He wrote that Kendra convinced her parents to let her attend high school in their new town for her final year before college. Her parents agreed and felt it may benefit her social skills and ready her for post-secondary. The more he wrote, the more Kenny knew how he managed to score an eighty-six on his English final, his bullshitting was superb. He almost forgot he was writing about himself and not his own, actual daughter. The letter ended with his cellphone number and a salutation. He thought it best to add his actual number because there was a real chance a teacher may want to call to talk to his 'parents.' Kenny was confident enough in his own bullshiting abilities that he could successfully pretend to be his own dad over the phone.

Kenny brought an envelope to the library with him. Once the letter was printed, he folded it along with all of the documents and neatly slid them inside. He addressed the envelope to South Park Secondary and tossed a false street name in Denver on it as the return address.

Kenny, once finished, zipped out of the library and dropped the letter off at the post office before heading home.

…

 _I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world, life_ _—_

"Hello?"

"Hello, this is PC principle from South Park Secondary. Is Mrs. and or Mr. Fiction or a guardian of Kendra Fiction available to speak?"

Okay, that was kind of a strange introduction, but damn, Kenny had to pretend to be his own dad sooner than he expected. He was barley awake when he received the call, but hearing who the caller was snapped Kenny out of the stupor in an instant.

Kenny cleared his throat and dropped his voice a few pitches. "Yes, this is Mr. Fiction speaking." The voice felt unnatural and he cringed as he spoke. Hopefully it sounded better over the phone than in real life.

"Good morning sir, I've called you to say the school received your letter and all of your daughter's documentation successfully yesterday. But before we can register your child with our school we need to confirm a few things dude."

Sitting up, Kenny prayed he had somehow internalized all of his fake information. "Um, yes of course," he stammered. PC principle went through each document with Kenny, having him clarify a few things as well as making sure all the information was correct. The blonde made it through successfully, only having two moments of panic in the process.

"One last thing before we start your daughters school record. At some point before she comes to school you or your partner will have to sign a few more government forms," PC stated.

"We can't," Kenny blurt. He may or may not have just screwed himself. Without so much as a thought he continued. "You see, we're still in the moving process and it's been very difficult for my wife to adjust. I am far too busy catering to her and the new house to visit the school this soon. Is it possible for Kendra to bring these forms home to be signed?" He hoped that sounded believable.

There was a pause and the uncomfortable noise of paper shuffling rang through the speaker. Kenny opened and closed his palm that was not death-gripping the phone in attempt to release some of the tension he was feeling. After the painstakingly long moment, PC answered. "Um yes, I believe that can be arranged."

"Yes!" he cheered. "I mean uh, thank you for understanding, it's greatly appreciated," Kenny said, whipping his clammy hands on his bed sheet.

"Not a problem sir. We look forward to seeing your daughter here on Monday, tell her to come to the office first thing, and welcome to South Park." With that, the call ended.

Kenny slumped back into his bed with a dramatic sigh. That call must have taken at least ten years off of his life. Man, the new principle was a bit of a weirdo.

His plan was really happening now.

Kenny shot up from his position on bed and began packing the essentials for what he felt would be the most bizarre Monday of his life.

…

"Kenny, we're going to be late!"

"I'm comin' Kare!"

Kenny was sporadically searching through the drawers and cabinets of his family's only washroom for Karen's makeup. He flung open the bottom most drawer to see some promising looking tubes, he grabbed three and shoved them into his jean pockets. He'd just barrow some and then put it back when he would come home later that day. He was going to have to use Karen's stuff until he gets around to buying his own. As uncomfortable as Kenny felt about putting foreign objects near his eyes, everything still had to be believable.

Karen was already sitting in the passenger seat of his truck, knees up, impatiently tapping her foot on the dash board until Kenny hopped in and set the vehicle into motion.

"Took you long enough," she grumbled. "I've got a test this morning and I can't be late Ken!"

"Chill Kare, we'll be on time." His steady words did not by any means reflect how he was truly feeling. His heart was pounding at a supernatural rate. He could hear it, he wondered if his sister could too. Kenny couldn't ever remember feeling this nervous about going to school before. What if he walked into the school and everyone could see through his disguise and started laughing at him?

Before he could even reassure himself, they pulled up to the school and Karen left the truck; she didn't wait for Kenny's excuses anymore. She more or less accepted that her brother now liked to 'park the truck' alone in the mornings.

He had about twenty minutes until the bell rang. Kenny sped out of the school parking lot and drove straight into the lot of the old church up the street. Nobody was parked there save for two other cars vacant of the owners. The church parking lot is where Kenny decided he would leave the truck and change each morning. He also came to the conclusion that he'd need to sprint out of the school before Karen, run to his truck, and change back into his regular clothes so he could pick her up on time at the end of each day. He felt he could manage that.

Parking the truck, Kenny ripped open his backpack and pulled out the clothes he chose for the day. He awkwardly kicked off his pants and tossed his shirt somewhere, knocking into the trucks horn in the process. He chose a long skirt for his first day back since he still hadn't come around to shaving his legs. Kenny purchased tons of long skirts to avoid his inevitable leg shave as long as humanly possible. The skirt just hit his ankles and was a dark navy blue, speckled with small pink polka-dots. He paired it with a pink t-shirt with an embordered watermelon slice on the left breast. He thought it was cute as hell. The pink of the shirt matched that of the skirts dots. All for a whopping three dollars and twenty-three cents.

Kenny had to stop himself from admiring his outfit to put on his makeup. He pulled the tubes of product from his discarded jeans and examined them. Lip-gloss, eyeliner and mascara. He knew what lip-gloss was so he started with that. He pulled the trucks mirror down and painted his mouth a light, sparkling pink. He smacked his lips together, it tasted like artificial strawberry's. The teen knew that he'd struggle trying not to lick it off his lips all day.

He grabbed the eyeliner and snapped off the cap. It looked like a little marker. Kenny knew what this was; girls use it to put lines on their eye lids. Yeah, that's not happening for him today. He resealed the tube and stuffed it back into his jeans. He would fuck that up so badly it wasn't even worth trying. He didn't want to look like a hot mess. Maybe he'd try eyeliner once he had a little more practice.

The last tube's lid wouldn't snap off, and he quickly realized he had to twist it off like the lip-gloss. He untwisted it to reveal a bristled applicator covered in black sticky liquid. Kenny briefly wondered if it was for eyebrows, but quickly moved away from the idea seeing as Karen never left the house with pure black eyebrows. Karen's eyelashes were usually blacker and longer in the mornings; he figured it must be for eyelashes then. Kenny brought the wand up to his right eye. It twitched as he pressed light strokes to his lashes.

"Fuck!"

Kenny managed to stab himself in the eye with the wand. When he looked back up at the mirror, an extremely visible series of black smudges where scattered just bellow as well as above his eye.

"Oh my God," he sighed. He licked his middle finger and began whipping away the residue. He looked like he just got punched it the eye. With a bit more furious rubbing, he got rid of the excess makeup. Kenny let out another audible exhale and continued on. By some divine miracle, Kenny managed to get the mascara on both eyes' top and bottom lashes without much more difficulty.

Kenny examined his face in the tiny mirror, he shrugged. It wasn't great but it was acceptable by his standard; he'd still fuck him. Kenny reached to pull out the wig from his bag, but his hand landed on something softer instead. Shit, he forgot to put on a bra. Kenny carefully peeled his shirt off, avoiding his newly made-up face as best he could.

He slipped the bra on and reached his arms back in attempts to latch it. When at the thrift store, he only purchased one bra; he made sure it was one of the smallest cup sizes offered. He felt a smaller chest would be believable with his stick-ish body type rather than carrying around an unrealistic rack. As badly as he wanted huge tits, he knew this was best.

Kenny was a master at taking these things off but he had an impossible time putting one on. He was going to be late for school that this rate. With a few more frustrated tugs, Kenny also somehow managed to put a bra on.

"How do girls do this shit everyday," he mumbled to himself, reaching into his bag for two thick mittens, which he then shoved into each cup. Kenny tossed his shirt back on and couldn't help but run his hands over his newfound 'boobs.' They seemed just like every other pair of clothed tits he's felt up before; firm and thick with padding. It wasn't until a bra came off when the magic truly happened. Nobody was going to see his chest anyways so there were no concerns with his lack of real assets.

He was really pressed for time now, so Kenny hurriedly opened the bag that contained his wig, bobby-pined his hair back just as Richelle did in the salon, threw the wig on, adjusted, and bobby-pined it into place. Kenny ruffled the wigs side bangs a little before he was satisfied. He looked like an actual girl, and dare he think, a cute one at that.

He pulled on some black flats also purchased at the thrift store, zipped up his bag, locked his truck and made his way towards the school.

It was go time.

…

Kenny nervously walked through the front doors of the school. He had only been in the building at the beginning of September, the month was almost over now. He half expected everyone to stop what they were doing to laugh at him, but nobody so much as bat an eye in his direction. 'So far so good,' he thought.

Kenny glanced down at his hands which held his class time table. It was almost exactly the same as his schedule when he was himself. First period was auto, he smiled knowing Stan was in that class and he had a chance to dick around with his pal again.

A light tap on his shoulder had him practically flying out of his shoe's. "You must be Kendra Fiction, welcome to South Park Secondary. Come with me to my office." It was the new principle. Kenny already hated the guy more than he did over the phone. He looked like a loser frat boy in his humble opinion. Tall, super jacked, goatee, and wore sunglasses inside; yeah, fuck this guy.

He nodded and without complaint followed. He knew he was being brought to the office to pick up some forms for his 'dad', but Kenny couldn't help but feel like this guy just _knew_. He couldn't already be busted, could he?

Walking into Principle Victoria's former office was almost surreal. The last time he was in there he got expelled. A shiver ran down his spine at the thought. He took a seat in the familiar chair parallel the desk. This time he wasn't looking at Principle Victoria's small smile and friendly round glasses, he was looking at the chiseled asshole who wanted him expelled in the first place. Kenny was already getting himself worked up and this new guy has barley spoken a sentence.

"As I'm sure your father has told you, here are a few forms one of your parents needs to sign, k'," said PC principle, sliding a thick looking stack of forms across his desk. "Before you take these and head to class, I would like to run over a few rules with you."

Oh God, was this guy for real? "Alright," Kenny replied in the highest pitch voice he could muster. He practiced his 'girl voice' a bit when he was home alone, it sounded pretty decent to him. His voice wasn't too deep to begin with so it wasn't too hard to move his pitch up a few notches. The hard part was keeping his voice steady at that level.

"Well, first off, I'm PC principle and I wanted to formally welcome you to our school and town." This guy sounded so pompous. 'Shut up dude you've lived here not even for a month,' he wanted to say, but Kenny held his tongue and let PC continue. "I know you've been homeschooled and I'm sure you're a nice young lady"—Kenny scoffed at 'lady'—"but I must tell you, as I would to every student here"—man this due enjoyed rambling—"that South Park Secondary has a no fighting policy and does not by any means tolerate bullying or discrimination against any student, okay? Saying that"—holy shit, Kenny wanted to shove the mittens in his bra into this dick-weed's mouth—"if any student is giving you trouble here, don't hesitate to say so, and I'll deal with the aggressor personally, comprende?" Kenny blinked a few times, half expecting the frat boy to continue.

"Yeah, I understand," he finally replied.

"Sweet, I called down the school president—"

"Sorry sir am I interrupting?" Kenny thanked all the higher beings he knew of for whoever decided to walk in. He turned around to see Wendy Testaburger peering into the room.

"Not at all Wendy, but next time consider knocking. We have a new student here and we aren't yet familiar with her triggers. She could be triggered by unexpectedly meeting new people."

Kenny didn't have to say anything, his expression said it all. He had almost convinced himself that this guy wasn't even real. What the actual fuck? What did that even mean? Does that loser actually not remember that he came up behind Kenny no less than ten minutes ago, and scared the shit out of him? If PC actually thought Kenny might have had a fear of randomly meeting new people, he wouldn't have approached him like that at all. This guy was not only a douchebag but also a hypocrite.

Wendy began to speak again, bringing Kenny's focus back to reality. "Um yes, sorry about that."

"I was just about to tell Kendra here that I called you down to give her the grand tour," PC said, gesturing to Wendy.

She turned towards Kenny and smiled. "Hi, I'm Wendy, welcome to South Park. I'll show you around whenever you're finished here."

Kenny almost didn't want to look at her. This was his first real test. He was re-meeting someone he's known since preschool, Stan's girlfriend no less. He found the courage to glance up at her from his seat. "I'm Kendra, nice to meet you." Wendy didn't even look remotely suspicious when they made eye contact. Kenny gave himself a mental pat on the back for making it through his first noteworthy interaction unscathed. He quickly reminded himself that there was more time to fuck up. She was 'showing' him around the school after all.

"We were just about done here anyways. You ladies have fun now, and let me know if you see any injustices in the halls," PC added.

Kenny stood from his seat, grabbed his forms and followed Wendy into the corridor.

Kenny had to ask. "Is he always so…"

"Pretentious and obnoxious? Always," she stated. "He's only been principle here for half the month and he already thinks he's changing the face of this school."

"Good to know," he replied.

They began their trek down the winding halls. Kenny got bored extremely fast considering he didn't actually need a tour of the school he's been attending for the past three years and a bit.

Wendy was kind to him. Even when he was himself she was usually nice to him, spare a few moments of annoyance. Sometimes, Kenny became irritated with her when she crashed the groups 'guy time' to steal Stan away. Those two had been dating as long as he could remember. Kenny still didn't know exactly how he felt about the girl. She and Stan had been together forever, but that 'forever' was in intervals. They had broken up and got back together probably more times than he'd been kicked out of a chicks place the morning after. In simpler terms, they'd broken up a lot. Kenny sees how each break up hurts Stan, even though everyone in the town knows they'd make up. He and the other guys are the ones left to tend to a dishevelled Stan that won't leave his bed for a week. And for that, Kenny had mixed feelings about Wendy as a person.

"Here's the cafeteria. The nines and tens have first lunch and us and the eleventh graders have the second." She pointed toward the class schedule he still held. "It should say that on your schedule."

"Okay, cool."

"That's everything. Where's your first class, I'll help you find it," Wendy said, glancing at Kenny's time table.

"I have auto first."

"Oh really? That's so cool! Who doesn't love seeing a girl do a typical boy job. You're gonna wow them I'm sure." Wendy looked ecstatic.

Kenny couldn't help but smile. "I'm not that good really, I just like working with my hands and stuff."

"Did you take shop too then?"

Images of blades and other sharp tools flashed before Kenny's eyes. "Hell no!" His voice cracked revealing his natural pitch. He coughed, attempting to play off his moment of panic. "I mean, auto is more drills and screwing things together. Plus, I like cars. I could never take shop." The kids in fourth grade used to tease him about not wanting to be in the shop class and for taking home economics instead. Even though he did enjoy home ec., the teacher wasn't too fond of him and forced him to transfer into the shop class. The bullying didn't ease up after the class transfer, he was the 'fag who liked to cook' for the remainder of the year. He never thought much of it, little boys just wanted any excuse to be shitheads, himself included in many other situations.

Kenny didn't know why he felt like being so honest with her, but there was something about being perceived as girl; having his feelings heard and not invalidated or being called a pussy was comforting. "Yeah I'm honestly just terrified of sharp objects and anything with a blade really. Totally stresses me out. I guess I'm scared to lose a pinky or something, haha." He had never told that to anyone before. The urge to retract the statement was unbearably strong, but it was up in the air now and there was not much he could do. "Stupid, I know."

"That's not stupid at all," Wendy replied, her small smile and soothing voice helped settle his current embarrassment. "That's a completely reasonable fear. I didn't want to take auto because I hate the smell of car exhaust. Now that's _stupid_ ," she chuckled.

"Really?"

"Yeah really! I took shop class in tenth grade instead."

Kenny just barley recalled Wendy wanting to take shop when they were kids. She was in his home economics class and wanted to transfer to shop but was refused. The spot was given to himself instead. "Really?" he asked. Kenny wasn't that surprised actually, Wendy had always been good at reaching her goals.

"Yeah, my parents wouldn't let me take it when I was younger so when I got the chance in high school I jumped at it," she beamed. "My parents still didn't want me to take it because it wasn't 'lady-like', but I'm my own person and I wasn't about to let them dictate all of my decisions."

Kenny nodded. "Anything is for ladies if ladies choose to do it."

"Right! We need to stop gendering unnecessary things." He actually did agree with her statement; people needed to stop seeing things in black and white and open their eyes to experience more colours. "I'm glad I got to take shop to get it out of my system. It was fun, but I wouldn't take it again."

The blonde frowned. "Why not?"

Wendy sighed before continuing. "It was great and all but there's only so many snide remarks about being a dyke and so many shitty pickup lines a girl can take, you know?" Kenny suddenly felt bad about every unwarranted pickup line he'd ever attempted in his life. "If I really wanted to keep at it though, that wouldn't have been my deterrent. In the end, it just wasn't something I felt compelled to pursue."

"Yeah, I understand." He truly did.

"This year I had an extra spot open on my schedule and my best friend asked me to take home ec. with her. I feel like doing that is completely ironic seeing how hard I fought to stay away from a class like that," Wendy laughed.

Kenny chuckled with her. "That is pretty funny though. Who knew miss tomboy would ever take home ec. by choice."

"Who knew!" she bounced. "Though I have to ask, how'd you convince your parents to let you take auto?"

He didn't, they aren't real, and his actual parents couldn't give less fucks about what classes he decided to take. "I just said, "this is what I'm taking" and they said it's was fine," he replied. "I've been homeschooled all my life so I think they just want me to take whatever I want to gain real world experiences." That sounded like something loving parents would want for their kid.

"That's really awesome. I wish my parents where as openminded as yours." Wendy chirped in disbelief. "Well, we're here."

Kenny hadn't even realized they were moving, he was so deep into their conversation. "Thanks for walking me here." He found that he actually meant it.

"Not a problem, I'll see you around."

"Wait," he said before she could round the corner. "You said you had home ec. Which period?"

"Third."

"Sweet, me too!" He did actually decide to take that class even though he could have filled the space with a more useful credit. The fourth grader inside of him was still upset that he didn't get to complete the course way back then. When the opportunity arose, he knew he just had to take it.

"Great, I can introduce you to the rest of the girls then. They'd love to meet you," she sang. "Oh, and my boyfriend Stan is in your auto class, so if any of the boys give you a hard time tell him if he doesn't help you out I'm cancelling our dates for the rest of the semester."

Kenny laughed. "I sure will."

"Girls stick together you know," she winked.

"See yah Wendy."

"See you in third Kendra!"

Kenny thinks he knows how he feels about Wendy now; she was pretty alright.

…

Walking into auto class twenty minutes after the bell was an awkward experience. Every head turned in Kenny's direction when he opened the door; gazes following him as he descended the three steps to reach garage level.

"You must be the new student I've been expecting," the teacher spoke. The room had become too quiet for Kenny's liking; he could hear Scott Malkinson breathing.

"Yeah, I'm Kendra."

"Yes, yes, right. I'm Mr. Skiller and welcome to the garage." He paused. "But are you sure you're in the right class dear?"

Did he not have auto first period? Kenny skimmed over his schedule. "Um yes," he said looking back up from his time table. "I have this class first period."

"Of course," Mr. Skiller breathed. "But I won't be offended if you drop the class."

Kenny didn't understand why his teacher would assume he'd leave. He had taken auto throughout high school and it was one of the only courses he actually enjoyed, he had no plans to drop it. Was it because he was a girl now? Kenny felt like an idiot, of course it was because he was a girl. This was just like elementary school; nice to see that sexism in the education system was still alive and well.

"I'll be here all semester sir."

"Ok hon, you can take a seat at any bench."

The class was small, about eight guys including himself. Auto was the type of class you took in ninth or tenth grade to get a certain credit out of the way. The people who took the course after that either just liked the class or were pursuing mechanics. Unless you were Stan, who forgot to get the credit out of the way in the early years and was stuck doing it now.

Kenny quickly picked out the blue and red beanie and made his way over to Stan's bench. The benches were large and resembled that of a science classes lab table. The stool to Stan's left was vacant to Kenny's surprise. He sat next to his friend earlier that month, but Stan was a popular guy so he just assumed someone would have moved into his spot at some point.

Kenny took his seat as the lecture continued. He tried to pay attention but he could feel Stan's eyes bearing into the side of his head.

He was definitely taking this moment to fuck with him.

"Either I have something on my face or you're zoned out pretty damn hard staring at me," Kenny chimed.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I'm just surprised, that's all," Stan whispered, trying to avoid getting singled out for talking.

"Surprised as to why a girl is in this class or why a fair maiden such as myself would sit next to you?" he exclaimed, fluttering his eyelashes obnoxiously.

Stan couldn't help by snort. "You're pretty funny," he smiled.

"Why thank you Stan, I'm here all day."

"How do you know my name?"

Fuck.

"Oh, um." Thinking quickly, he continued. "Wendy! Yeah, I met Wendy, she showed me around the school this morning and told me you were in this class." He didn't even have to lie, that was the truth.

Stan's face brightened at the mention of his girlfriend. "Oh cool!" Kenny was just glad he didn't question how he knew what he looked like.

"She also told me to tell you that if I die in this class, it's your fault and she'd cancel all your dates, for like, ever," he said, recalling Wendy saying something along those lines.

"Let's make sure you don't die then."

"I'd like to think I'm pretty good at keeping myself alive."

They spent the rest of the class making fun of Mr. Skiller under their breaths. Pointing out how his stupid patterned tie flapped around as he paced, and how his bald head shone like a beacon under the flickering florescent lights.

It was nice being at school again. Kenny didn't realize he missed it until he was back. He found himself squirming in his seat, excited to face the rest of the day.

* * *

Authors Note:

Fun fact, I actually own the outfit the Kenny's wearing and the skirt was indeed thrifted (shirt was bought online). Also, can I say that I actually did do everything Kenny did at the start of the chapter, and I was shocked at how simple it was to gain access to, and to create fake government documents. Someone could do this irl if they really wanted lmao.  
Question: What's your headcannon for Kenny's female name? I went with Kendra cuz it seemed the most universally enjoyed in the fandom. I did debate Kendall for a while tho.


	4. Chapter 4: First Day Cont

Second period history class went quite similarly to his first.

Kenny walked in only to be stared at. His teacher didn't ask him if he planned to drop the course so that was pleasant. He ended up being seated next to Jimmy, whom made terrible jokes with him for the remainder of the period.

History was a class he would look forward too.

…

"Wendy, is that the new girl you were talking about?" Bebe's thundering voice naturally carried to Kenny's ears as he sauntered into home ec. The girl had always been loud, which did not help with her reputation as a gossip. Wendy nodded at her friend and motioned for Kenny to come over.

"Kendra, this is Bebe. She has a big mouth but she means well," Wendy introduced.

"Hey!" Bebe burst, playfully nudging Wendy's shoulder with her own. She turned her attention towards Kenny, attempting to speak over Wendy's giggling. "Nice to met yah girl! We could use a fresh face 'round here. It's been getting a little boring," she beamed. "Wendy is only tolerable for so long."

Wendy swiftly flicked Bebe in the nose, causing her to yelp and rub it frantically. Kenny always new the girls were best friends, everybody did, but he now found it apparent how close they were. He ended up snickering through the entire interaction.

Before he could properly reply, Bebe continued. "Anyways," she said, rolling her eyes at her best friend. "I just have to say that you look so cute! Where did you get that outfit? I need that top in like, ten different colours."

Kenny was blushing furiously. He'd never been complemented like that before. The most he would ever get was a, 'you're hot', which he never paid much mind to; drunk girls told him he was hot all the time.

"I thrifted it," he replied, smile plastered permanently on his face.

Bebe looked shocked. "No way! That's too cute for a thrift store."

"I thrift all the time. I like to think that I know how to scout out the things worth buying," he laughed.

"You're taking Wendy and I thrift shopping this weekend." It wasn't a request, more of a statement.

Wendy scoffed. "Bebe, you have to at least ask her if she's free. What if she has plans this weekend?"

"Oh, you're right, duh! Ken, are you free this weekend to hang?"

Did all girls make friends this easily, or was this just Bebe being herself? Kenny felt kind of strange, Bebe had asked to see him outside of school before, but each of those times were to fuck, not to actually hangout. Kenny hadn't had sex with Bebe since she and Clyde became an item over a year ago, but it was still weird for him to think that the hot blonde wanted to spend time with him without the fucking part.

"Yeah, I should be free."

"Sweet! This'll be so fun, right Wen?"

Wendy chuckled and shook her head lightly at her friend's energy. "Yeah."

Kenny was glad he befriended Bebe so quickly. Wendy must have really put a good word in for him. If Bebe thought someone was cool, so did everyone else—he didn't exactly what to be a loser or anything.

The rest of home ec. flew by in a flash. The teacher walked in after Kenny's brief conversation with Bebe and Wendy, and had him seated next to Annie; she was quiet but kind. When the bell rang and Kenny began clearing his desk, he found himself faced with a smiling Bebe standing in front of him.

"Kendra, do you wanna sit with us an' the girls at lunch?" she asked, gesturing to Wendy.

Kenny hesitated before answering. He didn't actually think about where he'd be sitting for lunch. He naively assumed he'd sit at his regular table, but obviously he couldn't do that. He technically hasn't even 'met' Cartman or Kyle yet. "Sure, of course."

Kenny made his way to the cafeteria with a sizable group of girls. He wished he was dressed as himself right then, he could toss his arms around a few waists and watch his friends faces as he waltzed into the caf. with a band of stunning women. That would definitely get a few hollers. But alas, Kenny couldn't be an ass right now, he was too busy being a hot girl himself.

The second they walked through the double doors he knew what table they would be sitting at. Bebe made it clear by was walking ahead and waving vigorously at the girls already seated. He had messed around with almost everyone at that table; he wasn't called a man-whore for nothing. Having most of his lays sitting around him wasn't as exciting as one may assume. Kenny felt tense as he took his seat, he figured at least one of these girls would recognize him. They had seen his face as well as a few other things up close and personal after all.

"Who's this?" one of them asked. Kenny was sure he looked like a nervous, sweaty mess as he tugged at his shirt collar.

"This is Kendra, she's brand spanking new here," Bebe chattered.

"Hi," he said meekly. Kenny was at a loss for what to say. The menacing stares of the girls at the table were really getting to him. He could feel their judgment like rays of sun during a scorcher. Women are scary.

"I was the new girl once, I know how you feel," Nichole sympathised. "Welcome to South Park." That must have been his fourth welcome that day.

"Thanks," he chirped.

"We're in the same history class," Jenny stated.

"Oh yah, we are," Kenny replied.

After being introduced to the 'stupid spoiled whores' as Bebe called them, conversation seemed to flow naturally. Each girl found something in common with Kenny. They asked about his move and where he came from, they asked about homeschooling and about his family. They all seemed genuinely interested to know him. He fit right in, and nobody recognized him. He worried for nothing. He almost regretted not befriending these girls when he was just 'Kenny', they got on so well.

Wendy excused herself to talk to Stan briefly at his table, from there, the discussion quickly turned to that of his friends.

"Kyle has such a sweet ass," Bebe exclaimed.

"We know, you tell us everyday," Lola sighed. "I'm sure Clyde loves it when you talk about Kyle's ass when you guys fuck."

"Hey, Clyde can appreciate good ass when he sees it. He understands me," she hummed. "Besides, Clyde knows his ass is the only one I want." A chorus of giggles ands 'ew's' began.

Kyle did have a fine ass though, he'd have to agree. Kenny would admit he's shamelessly stared at it on more than one occasion.

"Wait, Kendra, do you know who Kyle is?" Bebe asked. Kenny shook his head in response. "Ok, I'll point him out to you and when he walks out of the cafeteria. You just gotta look at his butt!"

Heidi kicked Bebe under the table. "The girl hasn't even been here a full day and you're already trying to perverse her!"

"It's fine, who doesn't like some good ass from time to time," Kenny retorted.

Bebe hollered, "See! I knew I liked you for a reason!" The other girls laughed along as Bebe pointed out Kyle from across the room. "Over there, the little curly redhead, that's Kyle."

It was strange seeing his friends at _their_ table without him. A knot clambered its way into Kenny's throat as he observed. Cartman was probably saying something stupid to Butters who seemed to have joined the table that day. Butters had kind of been an unquestioned member of their group for a while now. He was a sweet kid, kind of weird, but nobody minded him. Stan was preoccupied with Wendy, and Kyle was angrily smashing some peas on his tray. The only thing that was missing was _him_. If Kenny was there, Kyle would be laughing right now. He wondered why Kyle looked so grumpy. He was always pissed off at something or another so Kenny wasn't shocked, but he didn't like to see Kyle frown. He wanted to march over to the table to tell Kyle he'll get wrinkles on his gorgeous little face if he kept that up. He knows what Kyle would do; he would probably blush, fling his peas at Kenny and tell him that he hoped he did get wrinkles. Kenny would then—

"Kendra, hey Kendra! Girl, I know he's cute but you've been staring for at least six minutes." Bebe's voice rang through him, reminding him where he was.

"Was I?"

"Haha, oh my God your face is so red!" Jenny laughed.

"If staring at his face is getting you heated just what until you see his ass!" Bebe declared.

Kenny felt unbelievably flustered. "I was just—it was—he—ugh," he babbled, huffing as he placed his head in his hands.

"Kyle's a sweet guy, you should talk to him," said Nichole.

"Too bad he hangs around with a bunch of fuckboy's," Millie finished. Everyone at the table hummed in agreement. Were they really that bad?

"We all know Stan can be a prick but don't even start me on Cartman," Jenny fumed as she addressed the table.

"Ugh I know, fuck that guy, I've never met a bigger piece of utter shit in my life," Red groaned. "And I dated Clyde."

"Clyde's a kind-hearted baby! Everyone's ex is automatically an asshole even if they really actually aren't!" shouted Bebe, readily defending her current boyfriend.

"Yeah, I guess," Red grumbled.

"Cartman isn't that bad guys, really."

"Heidi, you're just saying that 'cause for some Godforsaken reason you have a massive crush on that lard-ass," Red retort. "Cartman is an egotistical, racist, sexist, bigoted cock muncher and you know it."

Heidi quickly rose to her own defense. "I don't have a crush on him! I just think he's misunderstood."

Nichole glanced at her questioningly. "You keep telling yourself that honey," she sighed.

"Whatever," Heidi pout.

Kenny was snorting. This was gold. He knew everyone hated Cartman, he didn't even really like him, but man these girls really did fucking despise the dude. He had to remember not to mention Heidi's possible crush on Cartman to his friends to avoid making the asshole's head even bigger. "Sure seems like Kyle is keeping the wrong company," he cackled.

Lola flipped her wispy brown hair over her shoulder and leaned in, making the conversation appear secretive. "He sure does, and who knows how often he talks to Kenny after that douche got expelled."

What.

"Kenny was alright, I did a weird egg science project with him once and we got an 'A' so he's pretty decent in my books," Powder chirped.

"That was like, fourth grade Powder," Lola spat.

Powder just shook her head. "Whatever, a good deed doesn't go forgotten with me."

"Let's get real here ladies, all Kenny was good for was a decent fuck," Jenny barked.

Kenny chest felt tight, he knew he shouldn't be hearing this but he couldn't just walk out, that would be weird. His sick curiosity to know what these girls thought of him didn't help with the situation, if anything, it had him glued to his seat.

"That's kinda true," Bebe sighed. "He's fantastic in bed but I don't think he was ever really going anywhere in life."

"The poor fuck will probably be stuck in South Park for the rest of his life," Millie added.

"I honestly feel bad for the guy," exclaimed Nichole. "He got into all that bad shit because of his home life, I'm sure of it. The school should have gotten him into counselling instead of expelling him."

"His expulsion was expected and deserved," Lola raged. "He'll probably OD alone and die in the next year."

"You just hate him 'cause he fucked you once and never called you back," Red snapped.

"And since when are you a Kenny advocate, huh? Did he fuck you that good?" Lola shout, she looked ready to rip someone's head off.

"He did actually."

"Ugh!" Lola frantically packed all of her things and rushed out of the cafeteria.

"Fuck, come on Red, you know Lola was in love with the guy," Jenny cursed as she rose from her seat, packing her things almost as fast as Lola.

"I know, but she just pisses me off sometimes," Red sighed. "Shit, I'm a bitch." She then followed suit of Jenny and grabbed her things. "Come on Jen, let's go find her. If she starts throwing things you have to protect me." The two girls exited the cafeteria, leaving the rest of the group in silence.

Kenny felt like shit. Not only did all his new 'friends' think he deserved to be expelled and was a drug addict, but they also pitied him, thought he was only good for sex, and didn't deserve to have Kyle as a friend. Worst of all, he hurt Lola and never even realized until it was screamed into his face, literally.

Maybe Lola was right, maybe he did deserve to die alone in South Park.

"Um, guys, Wendy, Kendra and I are going thrifting this weekend and you're all invited. Does that sparkle with everyone?" Bebe chimed, in attempt to lighten the mood.

"Sounds like fun," Annie finally spoke.

Conversation turned to shopping and other mundane things, but Kenny was too busy wallowing in his own head to contribute. He glanced across the cafeteria, watching his friends interact.

Kyle was still smashing his peas.

…

Kenny had English fourth period with Bebe and Nichole. The girls made their way over to class with him, Bebe chattering the entirety of the two-minute walk. They seated themselves, leaving Kenny to speak with the teacher.

"Ah yes, you can take a seat right here next to Kyle."

Kenny was in that class prior his expulsion. He used to sit to the far left of the room next to Butters, and Cartman sat next to Kyle. Looks like the fatass got himself moved into Kenny's old seat. Kyle mentioned something about the teacher moving Cartman to Kenny's old spot because he was too disruptive next to Kyle. Did this woman not realize the situation would be even worse with him next to poor Butters? He felt Cartman should honestly have a single desk moved to the back corner of the room, but even then, he'd still find a way to be a shithead.

Kenny seated himself next to Kyle and began pulling out his English notebook. He glanced up to see Bebe a few rows ahead of him, turned around, winking and giving him a thumbs up. He smiled and shook his head at her. That girl was crazy, what did that even mean?

"So, you're new? I'm Kyle by the way."

Kenny finally turned his attention to the boy next to him. "Yeah, I'm new here," he smiled. "I'm Kendra, it's nice to make your curly headed acquaintance."

Kyle didn't respond. He was wearing quite the confused expression; eyes darting back and forth along Kenny's face, making him feel naked. "Have we met before?" the redhead finally spoke.

Of course Kyle would be the first one to suspect something. "Nope," Kenny lied, responding far too quickly to come across as calm. "I've only been in South Park for about half a week. Unless you're stalking me, I don't think we've ever met."

Kyle looked taken aback. "No, no! I'm not stalking you or anything. You just have a familiar face is all." Kenny laughed at his friends flustered defence.

"I'm just pullin' your leg dude," Kenny smirked.

"Right."

The silence was awkward but barrable. Kenny took that time to peer around the room at his classmates. He made eye contact with Cartman of all people, who seemed to have been staring at him. Did this dickhead recognize him too?

"Hey," Kenny bellowed. "I know I'm hot and all but you can stop staring at me like I'm the last Twinkie in your cupboard." The students that weren't occupied talking to their neighbour began to laugh. Kyle was practically in tears.

"Ay! Fuck you bitch! Who even are you?" Cartman sneered back. Eric's comment abruptly reminded Kenny that they technically didn't know each other; and imply a person you've never met is fat was probably not the best way to get on their good side.

"Hey! Play nice or I'll come back their and knock you out Cartman!" Bebe hollered.

"Put Clyde's dick in your mouth Bebe; Paris Hilton over here started it!" Cartman jeered.

"Shut the fuck up Cartman, that was funny as hell and if it was directed towards anyone else you would have laughed your ass off," Kyle interjected.

Cartman scoffed. "Already sucking the new girls ass I see." He pointed at Kenny and continued, "You better watch yourself princess, that ginger Jew will steal all your money and your soul."

"Oh thank God," Kenny sighed sarcastically. "I've been looking for someone to take all my money and soul for ages. It's all been getting too heavy to carry around in my purse."

"I don't like that mouth on you bitch. Such a shame, lips like that could be used for much more useful tasks."

"Eric, go to the office," the teacher groaned.

Cartman stood up and grabbed his things. "Whatever." But Cartman, being himself, had to get one last word in before he walked out. "Have fun chocking on Kahl's dick."

"Lucky for him I swallow too." Kenny spat. Cartman scoffed and trudged out of the room, he probably had no intensions of going to the office. Kenny looked over at Kyle, who's face was beat red.

"Sorry about the dick thing," Kenny giggled. "It was the first thing that came to my head."

"N-no, uh, it's fine," Kyle croaked. "That whole exchange was actually pretty hilarious."

The teacher coughed to collect her students' attention back to the front of the room. "Now, let's continue with the lesson."

…

Kenny had a spare the next period. He knew Kyle also had one at that time—they would sometimes spend it together or with a few other dudes before his expulsion. But Kenny couldn't ask to hang out with Kyle since they technically didn't know each other that well. Kenny also found that he just wanted to spend some time alone. He had been surrounded by people barking at him all damn day. So he opted to spend his free period outside where he could breath without the presence of another human being. The goth kids might be there, but were they really human?

He ended up at the side of the school, leaned up against the brick wall, cigarette between his lips. This was the kind of shit he got caught doing that added up to his expulsion. Nobody was actually allowed to smoke within twenty feet of a school. But the fact that he had a completely new, clean record had him rooted where he stood. The teen couldn't get expelled for one offence, especially on his first day.

Kenny ended up burning through two cigs rather quickly as he reflected on the events of the day thus far.

He re-met all of his friends which was odd yet exciting. The Cartman ordeal wasn't exactly the highlight of his day but he wouldn't have wanted to change what transpired. Kyle was right, it was pretty funny. Sitting next to Kyle during English was pleasant after Cartman left. Kenny never had many chances to sit next to Kyle in class before. They're was always Stan or someone else sitting between them. So he never had the opportunity to notice how Kyle poked his tongue out as he concentrated on his writing, or how he crinkled his nose up when he didn't understand a question. It was endearing, and Kenny soaked up every moment.

His mind wandered to the girls he hung around that day. Lunch was terrible, yet he couldn't find it in him to be upset about what the girls had said. Sure, in the moment he was offended, but it's not like anything they stated was a lie. They didn't hate Kendra though, they hated Kenny, and Kenny wasn't the one that befriend them, Kendra was. So he would stay their friend. He did actually enjoy being around the wild group of girls, they just sort of clicked. Thrifting on the weekend with them will be interesting, he was glad he didn't have work that Saturday.

Kenny had work after school that day, and most other days of the week. He started picking up a crazy amount of shifts. He still had to pay off Richelle for the wig and he wanted to get that out of the way as soon as possible. He was also considering booting up his brother's old phone to use as Kendra's. That phone was so ancient he wasn't even sure if it could text, just calls. He could probably get a phone plan that was like, ten bucks for that shit phone. Kenny couldn't use his regular phone, half of the school already had his number—he needed to keep 'Kenny' and 'Kendra' as separate as possible. A few extra shifts were worth it if it meant the safety of his identity.

After he stomped out his third smoke, Kenny scooped up his bag and headed back inside. He only had one more class to sit through until he could go home and nap before work.

…

Kenny took art class on a whim. Only girls and huge gay-wads took art, so he steered clear of the course for many years. He loathed the class in elementary school, but as long as they weren't forced to do pottery, he would survive. Kenny did in fact enjoy drawing, his notebooks were littered with rough sketches of random people and objects alike. On more than on occasion, he'd been told he was actually pretty damn good at it. Kenny didn't exactly hide the fact that he had a knack for art, but he didn't flaunt it either. So most of his compliments and praise came from his sister; he'd like to believe she would tell him if he was actually shit.

Walking into the room, the first thing that caught Kenny's eye was a whole mess of blue sitting in the front row. Craig was in art class? Could that guy even hold a pencil? He figured Craig must be here just for an arts credit.

A nasal, "Can I help you?" reached Kenny's ears. He must have been staring a bit too long if it elicited Craig to speak.

"Uh, no. Sorry dude," Kenny fumbled. "You just don't look like the kind of guy who would take art."

"What's that supposed to mean." Craig droned. "I like art."

Kenny had no idea how to respond. This is why he never talked to Craig. He had such a hard time trying to read the dude, and he just freaked Kenny the fuck out. When they were kids, they were kind of friends, and back then Craig had way more emotions then he did currently. As each year progressed, Craig became more like a rock; expressionless, boring, and could probably kill you with one strike to the head. So Kenny steered clear when he saw that chullo in the halls, unless it was completely necessary to interact. On the few occasions they did speak, it ended extremely awkwardly or with detention. Craig was actually two of the fourteen fights that got Kenny expelled.

"You just don't look like…" Kenny trailed.

"A complete fucking pansy."

"Yeah," he croaked.

Craig had an open seat next to him and Kenny had no idea if he should sit or not. He stood there uncomfortably, hoping for Craig to say something like, 'here, this seat is open,' or 'fuck off.' Either would do.

Before Kenny could turn and flee the scene, another nasal voice chimed behind him.

"Craig, are you giving my seat away? I thought we were friends!"

"You're annoying Clyde, so if this girl wants your seat I won't complain," Craig replied.

Seemingly forgetting Craig all together, Clyde immediately turned toward Kenny and smiled.

"You must be the new girl that Bebe told me about. I'm Clyde," he introduced, as he shot out his hand to shake Kenny's. The blonde blinked a few times before extending his own hand to reach Clyde's. "Kendra," Kenny stated.

Watching the interaction, Craig sighed. "Clyde, you're scaring her."

"What!? No I'm not, I'm just being polite," the more excitable teen retorted. "Stop making me overthink everything I do."

"But that's my job," Craig declared. "I'm your conscience."

"Craig, stop it, you dickhead! You know I hate your stupid mind games," Clyde cried.

"Technically, they're your mind games, considering I'm your mind."

"I hate you."

Kenny was snickering at that point. Craig was funnier than he remembered. Maybe he wasn't a rock, but more of a—Kenny couldn't think of anything. Craig was still a rock, but a rock that liked to take the piss out of his friends, and he could respect that.

"I think I'll just go sit—" Kenny noticed a seat opened next to Butters near the back of the class, "—back there," he interjected.

Clyde looked slightly startled upon hearing Kenny speak. He was that wrapped up in his bickering with Craig. "Oh! Uh, alright."

Craig gave Kenny an apologetic glance as he made his way to the back of the class and seated himself next to Butters.

"Hope no one is sitting here Butters, because I am now," Kenny claimed as he sat.

"No, it's fine," Butters smiled. "You know my name?"

Damnit, that's the second name slipup he's had that day.

"Yeah, I heard someone say it in English class," he lied.

Butters chuckled. "Well, I know your name too. Everyone does after that whole fiasco with Eric."

"Yeah, that was a thing," Kenny replied lamely.

"It sure did make the class a lot more interesting!" Butters cheered.

Class began and came to an end rather quickly. Saying his goodbye to Butters and exiting the room, Kenny was stopped by a chattering Bebe and Clyde with a rather bored looking Craig off to the side.

"Kendra, girl! Have you met my boyfriend Clyde?" Bebe squealed.

Kenny nodded and laughed at her excitement. "We met in class."

"Isn't he like, the cutest?" she beamed.

Clyde leaned in and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Aw, babe don't flatter me." Man, these guys were in love. Must feel real nice on Clyde's end considering he'd been obsessed with Bebe since preschool. Amongst the laughter of the couple, Craig managed to slip away without a word.

"Hey, where'd Craig go?" Kenny asked. He was intrigued by the stoic boy after the happenings of class.

"Oh, he leaves to go pick up Tweek from his last class everyday," Clyde clarified.

"Yeah," Bebe chimed. "He's been doing that since like, fourth grade. That's common knowledge around here."

Huh, Kenny didn't know that. You would think being around the same group of people all of his life he would notice something like that. Apparently, everyone else did. He's had classes with both of those guys and never picked up on the way Tweek would linger near the doorway when the bell rang, or how Craig was out of his seat the instant they were dismissed. Maybe Kenny needed to practice his observance skills. He thought he was already decent at observing people, but maybe that only applied to his friends and not with anyone outside of his little group.

But speaking of picking someone up.

"Shit," Kenny breathed. "Gotta go guys, see yah tomorrow!" Kenny didn't know if anyone replied, he was already out of the school and sprinting toward his truck to change so he could pick up Karen.

…

"Kenny?"

"Yeah Kare?"

Karen had been squinting at Kenny the entire ride home. "Are you wearing makeup?"

Shit.

"No."

Karen sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm not blind, idiot."

"Okay, so maybe I am," he mumbled.

"I'm waiting for the explanation Ken. I'm getting old here," Karen coaxed.

Kenny sighed. "Fine, I lost a bet and had to wear this shit all day."

"You're a loser," the younger laughed.

"I know."

* * *

Hope ya'll enjoyed Kenny's first day! Please tell me if I butchered the American school system for I am not from the USA and google is only so reliable.  
So my question is: how many periods/classes do you have in 1 typical high school school day in your country? We typically have 4 classes plus lunch here in Canada, so writing 6 periods was weird for me!


	5. Chapter 5: Shit

Kenny woke up each morning buzzing for the day at hand. He was still a bit paranoid that someone would figure out his identity, but his excitement overpowered that feeling. School was still as exhausting as always, but it had never been quite as exhilarating before. Something about having such a huge secret that nobody else knew added some spice to his day.

In the past few days, Kenny developed a bit of a routine. Drop Karen off at school, change clothes in the parking lot, class, lunch with the girls, class, smoke, class, change in the parking lot, pick up Karen, go home and possibly go to work. It wasn't that different than what he would be doing normally; probably less hanging out with girls, less sneaking around and more skipping, but other than that, his days were relatively average. He'd have his diploma in no time.

"—and I was like, 'absolutely not dude, fuck you'. Then I walked out."

"That has to be the shittiest date you've ever been on Jen," Milly laughed.

"Easily; never fucking again," Jenny sighed, clearly put off by the happenings of her date.

"It's okay," Bebe consoled, reaching across the lunch table to pat Jenny's hand reassuringly, "once, this guy asked if I could pretend to be a cat when we fucked."

"What even…" Lola trailed.

"But did you do it?" Jenny inquired, wide eyed, squeezing Bebe's hand.

"Yup!" Bebe chuckled, as she retracted her hand and sat back down. Wendy turned toward her best friend and gave her a the same look a disappointed mother would. "God, Bebe."

"Hey, don't give me that face! It was kinda fun, but I never did it again," Bebe defended.

Red stifled a laugh and shook her head. "Wow Bebe, I will sleep so much better now knowing that you're a furry, thanks," she said, sarcasm dripping off of each word.

"Kendra isn't gonna want to talk to us anymore if Bebe is a furry," Milly interjected.

Bebe gasped, clearly being overdramatic, and shot her hand up to her lips to muffle her noise, "I'm not a furry and Kendra loves me regardless! Right Ken?" she shrieked, grabbing hold of Kenny's arm in the process.

"Uh, yeah," he managed to stutter. Kenny wasn't exactly paying attention to the current conversation. Lunch for the past week had been similar. He would talk to the girls and contribute to the conversation, but he always zoned out at some point. He was just too intrigued by his old lunch table across the cafeteria—he was curious to see how things had changed. He hadn't even been back at school for a full week so of course it was still weird to see his friends have lunch without him. The girls were fun, but in all honesty, he longed to be with his usual band of losers.

"You have no idea what we're talking about do you," Bebe snorted.

"Not a clue," he replied.

"You were too busy staring at Stan's table, huh?" Lola teased.

Kenny knew he was caught, but he felt he could at least make a joke of it. "I was staring past Stan's table; the lunch line is quite fascinating," he stated with as much certainty as possible. "See," he pointed toward the line, "that kid just dropped his fries, poor fuck."

"Yeah right, you were making bedroom eyes!" Red proclaimed.

"It's Kyle isn't it," Bebe cooed.

Kenny made a face of genuine confusion. "What? Where'd you'd get that idea?" What were they even talking about? He felt he was looking at his friends' table as more of a collective unit rather than looking at just one of them. He _was_ paying the slightest bit more attention to Kyle though, but he didn't think much of it before this moment.

"Oh come on, it's obvious. You're always looking at his table at lunch and you practically stare holes into his head in English class," Bebe continued.

Did he actually? "No I don't," he replied much to quickly to be considered confident.

Bebe laughed loudly, making a few heads from other tables glance in their direction, and slung her arm around Kenny's shoulders. "Aw, don't worry about it. Kyle's cool!" she sang. "Honestly, there's not a better person to crush on. He'd treat you right."

Kenny's face went flush with embarrassment. He was completely caught off guard by her proclamation. "I-I don't have a crush on Kyle," he protested. Bebe merrily continued her giggle fit at his reply.

"Has Kyle ever even had a girlfriend before?" Lola inquired, shifting everyone's attention from the hysterical Bebe in front of them. The girls at the table became silent for a moment. They seemed to all be sincerely considering the question. "Not that I know of," Jenny answered.

"Maybe he's gay?" Milly proposed. The girls collectively hummed and nodded in agreement.

"I can see that," Wendy added.

"I went on a date with him once," Nichole stated.

The girls began a chorus of "oh yeah"'s in their recollection of the brief relationship. Kenny remembered it too—sometime in tenth grade—they never became official. He recalled Kyle telling him and the other guys why they never got into a relationship. Kyle really did like her a lot, but he said that he hadn't gotten over his crush at the time and didn't want to date while he was head over heels for someone else. Of course they bugged Kyle relentlessly to spill who he was crushing on. Kenny thought it was Bebe—but he never told, and they all just gradually forgot about it and became preoccupied with teasing him about something else or another.

"That was forever ago thought," Nichole continued, resting a hand on her cheek as she spoke. "He's great and we got on well, but neither of us were ready to commit at the time and we decided we were better off as friends," she smiled softly. "You should go for it."

"See Kendra, you have a chance!" cheered Jenny.

Were they even having the same conversation? Kenny thought he was being quite clear. "But I'm not interested," he said flatly.

Bebe, arm still around Kenny's shoulders, announced quite loudly into his ear, "He stares at you too you know."

Kenny slowly turned his head to make eye contact with her. "Really?" It wasn't exactly what he planned on saying, but he was too distracted by the sinking feeling in his stomach to be coherent. Did Kyle stare because he could see through his disguise?

"Yeah, in English," Bebe stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "When you're not lookin' at him, he's lookin' at you. It's cute honestly."

"It's just because I have a familiar kind of face…" Kenny mumbled, trying to reassure himself that he wasn't caught yet. Nobody knows, the girls were just saying things. Kyle couldn't possibly be staring. "Besides, I can't be with Kyle."

"Why not?" questioned Red.

"Just—" that their friends, he doesn't think of Kyle like that, Kyle definitely doesn't think of _him_ like that, and because he's a _guy_. "—because."

"Whatever you say," Red jested.

"But if you do get with him, just know that he's Jewish, so his dick is nice looking!" Bebe exclaimed. Any tension Kenny was feeling left his body along with his laughter.

Wendy sighed. "Bebe, why are you like this?" she chuckled.

"What? I'm just saying his dick is guaranteed to have a certain aesthetic!"

…

Kenny was extra mindful of Kyle's presence in English class that day; taking in every twitch of his brow and every crack of his knuckles. Kenny was still the entire lesson, breathing as quietly as possible. He didn't want to give Kyle any reason to suspect he wasn't who he said he was. Bebe turning around in her seat every five minutes; and making kissy faces at him didn't help to relieve the tightening sensation in his chest. He wasn't exactly sure why he was feeling that way. He told himself he was just extra paranoid due to the possibility that Kyle was figuring out his identity; but Kenny knew, lingering under that layer of fear, there was something else—he wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was.

…

Kenny was greeted by a particularly cheery looking Butters as he sauntered into his last class of the day. "Howdy Kendra, how are you today?"

"I'm alright," Kenny smiled as he took his seat. "You look extra happy."

"Well, I'm just excited about our upcoming art project is all," Butters exclaimed.

Kenny couldn't recall hearing about an assignment. "We have a project?" he asked genuinely.

"Yeah!" Butters cheered. "You see, I like to help after class and clean the paint brushes with the teacher, and she told me yesterday about our upcoming project. It's gonna be a hoot!"

"Really?" he asked, chuckling lightly at his friend's enthusiasm.

"Yeah, she's gonna announce it to the rest of the class today," Butters piped, pulling his pencil case from his bag, preparing his work place for the class at hand.

"That's cool—" Kenny began, but he was abruptly cut off by his teacher's equally cheery voice.

"Quiet down class. I have exciting news!" she started, standing from her desk at the front of the room. "Our new principle asked for students from this class to create a new mural in the school's gymnasium." The art teacher walked out from behind her desk only to sit atop it to finish her explanation. "The person next to you will be your partner. You all must create an outline for a possible mural for the gym. These outlines will be handed in at the end of class tomorrow for marks. The principle and I will go over each design and choose who gets to paint theirs in the gym," she bubbled, tucking a strand of curly brown hair behind her ear. "Now, the pair who gets picked will also receive bonus marks on their final grade in this class considering they will have to stay after school for a few weeks to paint the mural. Isn't this exciting!" she beamed, the woman was clearly passionate about art.

"Sure is!" Butters acclaimed. The rest of the class was less enthused about the idea of staying after school to paint.

"What's wrong with the mural we have now?" a voice rang near the front of the room. The current mural wasn't much. The moss green paint had been chipping away from the grey gymnasium walls for the past decade. It wasn't even really a mural, just large green and black lettering spelling out 'COWS' which was barley legible. The once pristine paint colours were lifted by the intense beams of the sun, entering through the large windows across from it. It was overall quite ugly, but it was something that the students and faculty were used too. It felt wrong to cover it up.

"I agreed with the principle when he said it was drab and outdated. It's time for a change and there's nothing wrong with that," the teacher replied. "You know where the paper is," she chirped, addressing the entirety of the class. "I look forward to seeing all of your designs and make sure your murals reflect the schools spirit!" The class began to slowly rise from their seats, mumbling about their lame assignment as they shuffled to retrieve the paper.

Butters raced from his seat and returned with paper before Kenny even had a chance to move. Butters sat back down, smile never leaving his face. He sure was excited. "From what I've seen this past week, you're a great artist Kendra and I'm super excited to work with you!" Butters chattered, pulling his best sketching pencils from his pencil case.

"Thanks Butter's, I'm excited to work with you too," Kenny replied, smiling back with just as much enthusiasm.

"Let's get started, I have lots of ideas. I've been brain storming since she told me!" They spent a good portion of the class discussing possible ideas until they settled on one. It was simple, they decided to keep what was currently there and just freshen up the colours, neaten the lines a bit and add some details around it. They sketched out a field that surrounded the 'COWS'. The field was littered with small cows, and bright red barn in the distance. Maybe they would add a farmer or two—they still had class the next day to finish.

The following art class Butters and Kenny confidently handed in their rough draft. Butters was positive they would get picked. Kenny didn't exactly want to give up his time to stay after school for some dumb mural that nobody would appreciate, but the more he thought about it, the more he figured winning could benefit him. Maybe if he did actually decide to apply for college he could get some sort of arts scholarship.

…

Kenny's first week back had flown by quickly, and the weekend seemed to fly by at an equally fast pace. Thrifting with the girls was quite eventful. They moved in and out of thrift stores for hours, laughing and putting on stupid clothes. Kenny was sure each girl had at least fifteen photos of him making out with a duck shaped piggy bank, and probably thirty pictures of him in a huge floppy sunhat paired off with a floor length dress that could only be described as a sequined monstrosity. At the end of the trip he also somehow ended up with fifty selfies of Bebe on his brother old phone he was using as Kendra's. Picking up more shifts and paying an extra five dollars a month for that phone ended up being worth it.

Returning home from his shopping, Kenny dumped the one top he bought onto his bed, rubbed off his makeup, changed, and bolted straight back out of his house. The teen had more plans for that Saturday, he was headed over to Stan's place for an overdue session of 'catch up with everyone's lives.'

"Hey losers," Kenny called as he walked into Stan's living room.

"Hey gutter whore," Cartman replied.

Kenny sauntered over to his three friends on the couch, there was no space, per usual. Kenny didn't exactly feel like sitting on the floor and was in the mood to dick around a bit, so he sat himself on the couch and sprawled across his friends. His ass on Stan's lap, head on Kyle's, and he made sure his dirty socks were unnecessarily close to Cartman's face. "Anything exciting happening at school? I love drama," Kenny piped, paying no mind to his friends grunts of dismay as he sprawled across them. The blonde did actually want to know what was happening in their lives, he could guess, but he didn't exactly have the inside scoop anymore.

"Kinny, g-get your fucking foot out of my face!" Cartman yelped as he swatted Kenny's foot which was inching slowly toward his nose. "I'm gonna get a disease!"

Ignoring Cartman's cries, Kyle answered, peering down at Kenny's beaming face in his lap, "Not really, shits boring without you."

Kenny bit at his bottom lip and laughed. Looking up at Kyle brought on a new wave of insecurity as he recalled the possibility of the redhead figuring out his identity, "As expected," Kenny quipped.

"That was a gay answer Kahl," Cartman jeered as he gave the foot in his face one last smack before its owner finally decided to put it down.

Kyle rolled his eyes and rested his elbow on the arm of the couch, "Whatever tubby."

Stan, the king of pretending his asshole friends weren't bickering, gave Kenny an actual answer. "Uh, I don't know, we got a new girl this week."

"Really?" Kenny asked, playing dumb. Thinking about what he would normally say in a situation like this he continued with, "Is she hot?"

"The guys in my auto class practically nut every time she walks into the room. Hope that answers it," Stan chuckled. "She's pretty badass I think, you know, she's not afraid to get all greasy and do work." Kenny began to snicker, he had made a better impression on his auto class than he thought.

"Yeah, she's in my English class and seems pretty smart. She's really funny too," Kyle added, smiling fondly. Kenny hoped he was thinking of the joke he made about Cartman's big head yesterday, it was a good one.

"Pfft, everyone knows girls can't be smart and funny! They can barley be one!" Cartman scoffed, placing one large arm around the back of the couch as he turned to better face his friends, "but I have to say, that hoe is hotter than flaming hot Cheetos. Too bad she's a huge fucking bitch." Ha! Cartman thought he was hot, that's gay. Kenny's snickering grew louder.

"You're just pissy because she made you look like an imbecile in front of our entire English class, fatass," Kyle barked, shifting Kenny's head in his lap as he did so.

Cartman smirked, putting on his favourite sarcastic tone, "Oh Kahl, you got it all wrong. You see, you were too busy staring at her tits to notice that _I_ in fact made _her_ look like an idiot."

"I do not stare at her tits!" This was too much, Kenny's low chuckles transformed into full, gut wrenching, laughter. His tits? What tits? It was all too damn hilarious. If only they knew.

Their argument continued, voices rose so they could be heard over Kenny's hysterics. "Are you sure, Jew? Well, you do stare at her ass equally as much, maybe even more so."

"Fuck you, I'm not some pervert!" Kyle boomed, knocking Kenny off of the couch as he stood to point an angry finger in Cartman's direction. The instant he noticed what his action caused Kyle's attention moved to the still laughing Kenny, now on the floor. "Shit, sorry dude!"

"I-it's fine," Kenny panted, barley recovering from his laughing fit. He's fallen from heights far taller than a couch; he thought Kyle looked way too concerned.

"Well it's official, Kahl wants to bone the new girl. Which is surprising, because we were all so sure he was homosexual." Cartman began again. "Maybe the new girl has a dick." The composer Kenny just barley recollected flew out the window as a new wave of laughter rippled through him. The new girl in fact, did have a dick.

Kyle's attention snapped right back to his tormentor. "I do not want to get with the new girl!" he yelled, huffing and childishly crossing his arms across his chest. This only fuelled Kenny's seemingly endless string of laughter. He thought he might die he was laughing so hard.

"So, you're admitting to your homosexual tendencies?"

As hysterical as this was, Kenny had reasons for coming over.

"I—"

"Okay guys, okay I get it," Kenny cut in, finally sitting up from the floor, breathing as if he just ran a marathon. "I love you two arguing as much as the next guy but I've been itching to play GTA all day." Kyle mumbled something about not being gay as he retook his seat and Stan set up the game.

…

One fourteen-hour shift on Sunday later and Kenny was back at school. The bell had just rung, signalling lunch had begun. Kenny was exiting home ec. with a few other girls, mindlessly chatting away, when he walked past a scene he didn't particularly want to see.

"Wow Karen, where'd you get that top? Off some homeless guys back?" some bitch spat. She and a few other lackeys cackled, they were surrounding his sister's locker as she tried her best to ignore them.

"She probably traded him crack from her parent's garage for it."

"Or sucked his dick." They laughed again. Kenny could see Karen's shoulders begin to shake. He couldn't stand and watch this.

"No, she probably got her brother to suck his dick. Wouldn't want to get her pretty little lips dirty, now would we?" the leader of the group leaned in to get into Karen's face. "Oh wait, have they ever been clean? Can you even afford soap?"

Kenny stopped walking. "Sorry, Bebe, give me a sec—hey bitches!" he yelled, the girls he was with stopped walking as their attentions were pulled from their conversations. The girls pestering Karen also turned to look in his direction, the blonde leader making a confused expression. "Yeah you—the fuck do you think you're doing?" he started as he marched toward the group of young girls.

"And who the hell are you?" the blonde girl snarled, placing an intimidating hand on her hip.

Kenny scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Someone you're about to wish you didn't fuck with."

"Oooo, scary," the blonde girl mocked. "You look like you shop at the same homeless person as Karen."

"Ha-ha, yeah, so original," Kenny smirked. "Now, why don't you take your little whore posy and your rank vaginas out of here, or I'll sick the homeless guy I've been shopping at on yah," Kenny smiled, batting his eyelashes in a way that made his sarcasm and anger even more obvious.

The leader glared at him as she took a step forward. "Do you wanna fight bitch?" she threatened. This girl had some fucking nerve.

"Look, I don't wanna hit a little girl, but you're really fucking tempting me," Kenny sighed, taking a step to get even closer to her, making his height over her more apparent. He chuckled to himself about this ridiculous situation and about what he was about to say. "You're clearly a sad, ugly, cruel little witch that likes to make other people feel like shit so she could feel the slightest bit better about her dumb self, and frankly, its absolutely pathetic. Now, I'm really sorry that your too ugly for your daddy to touch you at night, but I suggest you leave."

The blonde girl took a step back, aghast, mouth agape. Her little friends began cowering. "Who hurt you bitch?! Oh my God!" the leader screeched, "let's go," she reached and grabbed one of her friends wrists and turned to stalk down the hall, other bitches in tow.

Kenny shook his head as he watched them retreat. The soft sound of a locker hesitantly closing snagged his attention. "Hey, are you alright?" he asked his sister, his features softened as he realized she was no longer on the verge of tears. "I don't know what their issue is, but I think your shirt is very cute," he said, offering her a soft smile.

There was a long pause and Kenny's smile faltered for a second. Maybe she wasn't okay.

"Kenny? What the fuck?" Karen burst, her confusion and disbelief extremely clear in her tone.

Kenny's eyes winded and his heartbeat picked up. "Uh—"

"Kendra! That was so badass babe!" Bebe laughed as she tossed an arm around Kenny's shoulder, pulling him down to her height for a weird side hug. "Did you see those bitches faces? And that line about her dad! Oh my God was that good!" she beamed.

Wendy walked up next to him, smiling slightly as Bebe released him from her grip. "I don't exactly condone verbal harassment but…that was pretty badass," she sighed.

"Uh, thanks. I just don't like seeing that shit, you know?" Kenny swallowed thickly as he tore his gaze from Karen's confused face to reply to Wendy. "I think the dad line was a little much actually," he chuckled softly. He went a bit crazy there.

"You're like, a modern Wonder Woman," Bebe chimed.

"I wouldn't go that far."

Wendy moved her attention toward Karen. "Are you alright, hon?" she asked.

"I'm fine…" the younger girl trailed, eyes still locked on Kenny. He tried to look anywhere except her.

"That's good. You look very pretty today Karen, and tell your brother we say hi," Wendy finished.

"Sure…"

The girls smiled at Karen as they turned to leave, Kenny dragged off to lunch by a babbling Bebe. He spared one glance back down the hall.

Karen was still staring.

…

"All of your murals were fantastic and I can confidently say that the lowest mark was no lower than a B+!" It was so hard to choose one but after hours of sifting through the rough drafts, the principle and I made a choice. I want you all to give a big congratulation to Kendra and Leopold! You two will do amazingly, I know."

The class gave an awkward, half hearted applause at the teachers request.

"I knew we would get picked! Isn't this exciting!?" Butters mused, turning toward Kenny, likely expecting an equal amount of excitement from his partner.

"Yeah, really exciting," Kenny sighed. He cursed internally at how unenthused he sounded.

"Gee Kendra, you don't look all that excited. Is something wrong?"

"Uh, no. No, I'm fine." He was the exact opposite of fine. Something was indeed very wrong, and it's all Kenny could think about all lunch. His sister figured out his identity. He's sure of it; and Kenny has absolutely no idea how to approach the situation when he had to inevitably pick her up after school.

"You sure? I'm always here to talk." God, Butters was too kind.

Kenny pushed out his best ' _I'm oaky_ ' smile. "No really, I'm fine. Thanks, Butters," he reassured.

"Kendra, Leopold, come to my desk for further instruction." The art teacher called from the front of the room. "Another congrats to you both."

"Thanks!" Butters answered as they stood from their seats and approached her desk.

"You two have as many weeks as you need to finish the mural. You'll meet every Tuesday and Friday after school to paint for at least an hour. Do those days' work for you both?" she said with a toothy grin. Was this woman always chipper?

"It's fine with me." Butters piped.

Kenny made a mental note to make sure he doesn't take any shifts at work right after school on those days. "I'll make it work," Kenny replied.

The teacher thanked them and dismissed them back to their seats. "Pardon my asking," Butters began before they moved back to their desks, "but doesn't the basketball team have practice after school on Tuesdays? Will we have to work around them?" Oh yeah the basketball team. Kyle and Stan were on it. Kenny has laid bored on the bleachers waiting for his friends to finish practice on multiple occasions.

"Oh, I already sorted it out with the coach, it's fine," she sung. "You two will be working on the wall above the bleaches so there should be no interference with their practice or your painting."

"Alrightly, sounds great!" Butters smiled.

"When will we start?" asked Kenny.

"You can start next week. I'll pop in and out through the weeks to check your progress. Fantastic work you two, I can't wait to see the finished product."

…

The drive home was unbearably silent.

"How were your classes today?" Kenny asked his sister, eyes still focused on the road ahead. He figured it was best to at least pretend everything was fine. Maybe she would forget.

"Are you gonna tell me why your running around school dressed as a girl or what."

She didn't forget, of course.

"I don't know what you mean," Kenny chuckled, gripping the steering wheel the slightest bit tighter.

"Don't play dumb with me Kenny, I'm not stupid," Karen started. "I have eyes! I know what my own brother looks like with or without a wig and makeup on."

"I don't—"

"You are literally still wearing makeup right now dummy." Karen spat. In his panicking, he must have forgot to wipe it off, similarly to his first day back. "You can't get out of this one, you're telling me everything once we get home mister!" She was doing her mothering thing, great.

"Fine," Kenny sighed reluctantly. He had no idea how to get out of this one.

When they got home, Karen told Kenny to wash his face and to meet in her bedroom. He did as he was told, and took the alone time in the washroom to come up with an excuse for today's happenings. Everything he came up with sounded too stupid. He was going to have to tell her the truth. He just hoped she wouldn't kill him, or worse, be _disappointed_ in him.

Kenny sat next to Karen on her bed, crossing his legs and leaning up against the headboard.

"Spill," Karen stated, brows furrow and arms crossed. She looked pissed. He could feel the crushing weight of her confusion radiating throughout the room.

Kenny sighed and bit his bottom lip, turning to look out of his sister's window rather than look at her directly. He wished for a second that he was a bird, and could fly out the window to his escape, but that wasn't going to happen.

He told her everything.

He started from the beginning. From being expelled, to storming out on his friends, to finding the box of old clothes, to buying the wig; everything. She deserved the whole truth, he didn't want to lie to her anymore. Only when he finished speaking did he turn to face her. Her face was that of disbelief.

"I-I can't say that's what I expected to be told," Karen muttered, likely shocked from the sheer amount of information she received.

"I'm so sorry Karen—"

"Don't be," she sighed, choosing to look down at her lap and pick at her nails. "I'm not gonna lie I'm upset that you got expelled. Really, really upset actually, because I know you're better than that. I also don't appreciate being lied too," she looked up from her nails and continued, "but I'm so glad that you at least had the drive to fight your way back into school, but you also shouldn't be doing this for me, Ken. You should want to get back into school for you and your success, not because you're scared your dumb little sister would be disappointed otherwise."

"You're not dumb—"

"I'm not finished," she cut him off. "I know you don't wanna end up like mom and dad and I do think that this might be your best bet to at least finishing high school, so I won't tell anyone."

"Really?" Kenny was shocked, he thought she would at least attempt to convince him to get back into school using other means.

"Yeah really!" she laughed, shoving Kenny's arm playfully. "You need to work on your makeup skills though. Mascara and lipstick isn't much of a disguise."

"I know, jeez!" he grinned, snickering as he nudged her back. The mood of the room had completely flipped. "It's worked so far!"

"Well I recognized you in about half a second, so clearly it hasn't!" she declared, shifting her position on her bed to rest on her knees. "I'm gonna teach you how to apply makeup so well that our own parents won't be able to recognize you even if they were sober!"

"Thanks Kare," Kenny laughed, shaking his head slightly at the comment about their parents. "If my disguise was so bad, how come I haven't been called out sooner?" he sarcastically reckoned. If Karen was so sure his disguise was shit, then how has nothing been said? "I mean, I feel like some people might be figuring it out but nobody has said anything."

"I honestly think everyone in this town is just really, really, painfully stupid."

He couldn't argue with that. "Very true."

"Come on," Karen said, standing from her bed and heading toward the door.

"Where are we going?" Kenny asked as he trailed behind her.

"We're going to the washroom to start your makeup lessons," Karen stated as if that was supposed to be obvious.

Kenny smiled the biggest he had in a long while. "Alright."

They entered the washroom and Kenny sat himself on the closed lid of the toilet, patiently waiting as Karen pulled out a small pouch full of her supplies.

"You've been using my stuff this whole time haven't you," she laughed when she opened the pouch to find a few of it's contents missing.

"I put it back everyday after school!" he defended. "You didn't give me a chance today."

"Go get the stuff you took so we can get started!" Karen sassed, pushing her brother back out of the washroom.

"Okay! Okay!" Kenny yelled as he sprinted back to his room to receive the stolen makeup from his backpack.

They spent a good portion of the night giggling in the washroom at Kenny's terrible attempt at eyeliner despite Karen's incessant teaching. She reassured that he would get it eventually.

* * *

Where do I begin, sorry for such a late update. I've been so unbelievably busy I could write the chapter as fast as I would have liked. I'm not gonna lie to yall, my next two months are looking just as swamped as the last so expect slow updates for a bit. Don't worry though, this story will get finished. I'd love to see your comments!

Question: Do you think you'd be able to recognize your siblings in a disguise similar to Kenny's? If you don't have siblings, your best friend?


	6. Chapter 6: Keep Your Eyes on the Ball

Woah, I'm not dead. See the notes at the end for an explanation for my random 6 moth hiatus. Hope this 8k chapter is a decent apology.

* * *

Letting Karen in on his little secret was more beneficial then Kenny would have previously presumed. The mornings became all the less stressful. He still had to get ready in the car considering Karen couldn't be seen with Kendra driving her to school, but, it eliminated a good portion of sneaking around. Sometimes, he would even let his sister do his makeup in the truck if he didn't think she would be late for class.

The two pulled up to Kenny's favourite secluded parking lot and began hauling out his essentials for the day. He grabbed a few bobby-pins and placed them between his lips as he rummaged for his wig. "Shit. I forgot to tell you I can't drive you home right after school today," Kenny spoke around the pins.

Karen busied herself with Kenny's makeup bag as she answered, "Why not?"

"I have to paint a new mural in the gym," Kenny replied; he found his wig and hastily began pinning it to his head while Karen leaned over her seat in attempts to apply his eyeliner.

"We're getting a new mural?" Karen asked "I almost forgot we had one it's so faded."

"Yeah, that's why they want a new one, and they asked me and Butters to paint for the next few weeks."

Karen pulled back briefly to admire her work. "So, I'm screwed for a ride for the next what? Month?" she frowned.

"You're only screwed twice a week, I'm sure you'll live."

Karen sighed as she leaned back in to touch up the wing she had drawn on Kenny's left eye. "Yeah, yeah, I'll just walk."

"I don't want you to walk. Can't you get a ride from a friend?"

"Myself and all my friends are fourteen Ken, we can't drive."

"Right." Kenny forgot how much it sucked to be a kid. "Well, maybe I can take you home and then come back." He didn't like the idea of Karen walking alone.

Karen rolled her eyes at his response, "It's fine, really. If it bugs you that much I'll walk home with Ruby or Ike or something."

"You better, and if you don't feel safe, call me, and we'll talk for your entire walk." Call him over protective but he only had one little sister.

"If anyone should be worried it's me about you," Karen snorted, returning the makeup to its pouch. "I've walked from school to our house in broad daylight before."

Kenny sighed as he moved a few stray pieces of hair out of his face. "I know, I just feel bad for making you walk."

"You have a life and commitments outside of babysitting your sister, I get it."

"I'm serious about the call though, like call me if—"

Karen shut him up by throwing open her door and hopping out of the vehicle. "We're going to be late for class, let's go!"

Kenny shook his head and jumped out after her; making sure he was a few paces behind to assure they wouldn't enter the building at the same time.

…

"Howdy Kendra!" The upbeat familiarity of Butters voice filled the gymnasium. One would think the guy would lose the enthusiasm after a long school day, but Butters never failed to keep his energy.

Kenny bound up the bleachers where Butters stood. Everything they needed to start the mural was there. "Hey Butters, sorry I'm a bit late." He was about ten minutes behind schedule, only because he found Karen after school to bug her one last time about a ride.

"No worries," Butters piped, "I already set up everything we need to get started."

Kenny glanced around the assorted art supplies, wondering how the hell he would go about starting. Noticing Butters already holding a sketching pencil—he realized they obviously needed to draw the mural on the wall before painting. "Awesome," he said as he picked out his own sketching pencil from the pile. "Do you think we'll even get the outline done today?"

"I think we can manage at least half today and finish the rest Friday." Butters began tapping his pencil on his chin, clearly thinking, before his eyes lit up with excitement. "We should set goals!"

Kenny smiled at the other boy's eagerness. "Yeah that sounds good."

The two took a moment to set their goals—planning for the painting of the fields to begin next week.

Butters pulled out their original sketch from his backpack and taped it on the wall in between them for reference. They both had a set half to sketch out.

For the first half an hour, the boys spoke idly, but shortly after they started their small talk, a comfortable silence engulfed them as they focused on their work—the noises of periodic shouts, a ball hitting the court, and the scuffing of sneakers from the basketball team below was muffled in their concentration.

Kenny was really in the zone; drawing large, vast lines, shading small squares, and making mental notes on what colours should be used for certain spots. He was noting that a rather long crack in the wall may need special attention when painting over, when he was rudely interrupted by a rather hard basketball to the head.

"FUCK" he yelped. Kenny immediately dropped his pencil, clutching his head, stumbling down two steps before regaining his balance.

Butters concerned shout came in an instant. "Kendra are you alright?"

"I-I'm fine," he lied, dislodging his hands from his wig; taking deep breath to control his budding anger for whoever threw the ball. A wave a nausea hit him hard as he attempted to climb the two steps needed to resume his work.

"Clyde, watch where you're throwing that thing!"

"Sorry!"

"Are you okay?"

The question was repeated once more before Kenny realize it was he who was being address. Kenny looked down; at the bottom of the bleachers stood a very concerned looking Kyle Broflovski.

Seeing the concern aided Kenny in depleting his anger. "I'm alright," he sighed, "I'm accident prone, happens all the time."

"Are you—" Kyle started but cut himself off. He glanced behind his shoulder to see his teammates resume their practice before he turned back around and bound up the steps to meet Kenny where he stood, before continuing, "Are you sure? You were pelted with that ball pretty hard."

Kenny was surprised Kyle would stay, but he silently appreciated the fact that he didn't just go back to his practice upon realizing Kenny wasn't concussed. "Yeah, I'm just—" Kenny started; he contemplated lying but decided against it, "—a bit dizzy."

Kyle reached out and grabbed Kenny's forearm. "You should sit," he said. Kenny blinked back in confusion as he let himself be guided into a sitting position.

"Hold on," Kyle started. He turned away and barreled down the stairs to retrieve a water bottle that was perched on the bottom most step of the bleachers. He then skipped two steps as he sprinted back up and practically shoved the bottle in Kenny's face. "I haven't drunk out of it yet, so uh, no germs."

Was Kyle actual offering to share with a 'stranger?' The Kyle he knew would rather die. That boy was just full of goddamn surprises.

Kenny stared at the bottle for a moment before pushing it back toward its owner. "You need it though. I don't play basketball but I know it's like, a sweaty game." Kenny wished he was more eloquent with his words. "You need it," he repeated, "I'll just go to the fountain."

"Are you sure?" Kyle asked, but Kenny could see the mild relief in his eyes.

"Yeah." They stood there for a minute in a mildly uncomfortable silence before Kyle stuck out his arm—which Kenny accepted—and pulled him back to his feet, guiding him down to the bottom of the bleachers.

Everything in Kenny's mind was telling his hat this was just too weird.

"Kyle stop flirting and get back here!" Kyle's face instantly flushed at Stan's holler.

"You should get back to your practice," Kenny quipped, "I can walk on my own."

"Alright."

They stared at each other awkwardly, neither one of them making the first move to leave.

"You should teach me how to play basketball sometime," Kenny said offhandedly to fill the sudden silence between the two.

Kyle's face flushed again, but before he could speak, Stan zoomed into frame and tossed his arm hastily around Kyle's shoulder, causing the other to stumble slightly.

"Of course he will!" Stan bellowed, "How does after practice next week sound?"

Kenny couldn't help but laugh at the sight—a very enthusiastic, sweat covered Stan, practically squeezing the life out of his best friend in some sort of hug-headlock that the ginger was completely failing at wiggling out of.

"Sounds good," Kenny stated without really thinking.

With that, Stan winked and dragged the still struggling Kyle back to the court.

It took Kenny less than a second to ask himself what in the actual fuck he got himself into.

He didn't exactly expect anything from his comment. It was kind of just one of those things you say when trying to kill time, but he figured a hang out with Kyle while he was Kendra couldn't be _too_ awful.

Before he could think further in depth about what he had just agreed too, a voice chimed from the top of the bleachers, "Now, I'm used to being a third wheel, but that was intense!"

Kenny turned around to glance up at the spot where he completely abandoned Butters for what just transpired. "Sorry Butters!" he shouted.

"It's okay, it was kinda funny!" he laughed. Making a vague gesture toward the gym doors, Butters noted, "I think you should go get that drink and maybe some ice from the nurse if she's still here."

The noise of the court briefly pulled in Kenny's attention. He peered over and watched as Kyle danced across the court, easily making a basket while his teammates attempted to block it. Kenny smirked at the sight before turning back to answer Butters, "I think I will."

…

"I was not!"

"You totally were."

Kenny sauntered into Stan's house that afternoon greeted by a shouting match—nothing out of the ordinary. Kenny plopped down on the center cushion of the couch so he could get a better view of the 'super best friend' argument that was going down—Cartman was seated to his left, already in a perfect location for viewing the brawl, snacking on a bag of Doritos.

After another minute of being hopelessly lost in the shouting, Kenny leaned over slightly and asked, "What am I missing here?"

Cartman rolled his eyes and gestured with his thumb towards the boys standing in front of them, "These fags are just arguing about how gay Kahl's flirting is."

At that, Stan turned to face the two on the couch, completely cutting off Kyle's next statement, "Kenny, you should have seen it. You would have been so proud of him," Stan boasted.

"But I was not flirting, holy shit! How many times do I have to say it? Why can't a guy be kind to a girl and not have his actions interpreted as flirtation?!" Kyle was very clearly heated, probably unnecessarily so. Kenny assumed this was a 'Kendra' thing, considering its only been an hour since basketball practice let out. Kenny would have to side with Kyle on this one, he didn't really think he was flirting—being uncharacteristically nice? Absolutely. Flirting? No way.

There was a brief pause after Kyle's statement before Stan spoke up again.

"Okay but, you were flirting." Kyle released a long drawn out sigh as Stan continued, "And she was totally flirting back."

Now that caught Kenny a bit off guard. Was he flirting? He's been told many times before that he was a natural flirt, so he wouldn't be _that_ surprised if what he said came off that way.

Kyle let out a rather frustrated 'ugh' as he angrily crossed his arms and sat himself on the free cushion to Kenny's right.

To say Kenny was confused would be an understatement—he was utterly lost. He didn't understand why Kyle was so butthurt about his supposed 'flirting.' Kenny thought it was kind of funny that Stan would see it that way. Kyle was known for his quick temper but this didn't seem like something to lose your shit over.

Kenny's confusion must have been notable on his face because Stan piped up with a brief explanation, "Kyle was flirting with the new girl at basketball practice, and now their going on like, a basketball date."

"A date?" Kenny blurted in surprise. He most definitely did not think their hang out would be considered a date.

"I wasn't flirting and it's not a date!" Kyle countered, gripping the arm of the couch. "We're just gonna hang out and play basketball okay?" Kenny nodded along to Kyle's words. They were _not_ going on a date. He suddenly became aware of the true meaning behind Kyle's upset. "Besides, this was Stan's idea! He's the one that set us up!"

"So, you admit to it being a date?"

"Fuck you."

"I don't see the big deal here anyways?" Cartman reamed into the conversation. He was being unusually quiet throughout this entire ordeal; it had been about time he jumped in. "She's a huge bitch, but it's not like she's ugly, so I don't know why you're acting like you have a fist load of sand shoved up your vagina."

"Because none of you listen to me! I said I don't see her like that, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to play fucking basketball on our first date!"

"It's 'cause you're gay, right?"

"Fuck you, you fat fuck, I'm not gay!"

Cartman let out one solid 'ha!' at Kyle's claim, clearly amused by the reaction he was receiving. "Then why don't you want to go on a date with Cuntdra? Practically every guy in school wants to fuck her."

Kenny had to hold back a snicker at the idea of all the guys at school wanting to have sex with him; his concentration to the conversation immediately returned as Kyle replied, "Fine! It's a fucking date! Is that what you guys wanted to hear?"

Kenny's blood ran cold. The air suddenly felt thick.

"Um, yeah," Stan disclosed, moving to seat himself on the coffee table.

Kyle stood up momentarily to retrieve the remote that sat atop the television before returning to his seat. "Can we stop talking about this now and start this movie before fatass eats all the chips?"

"Ay!"

Before another shouting war could ensue, Stan tapped Kenny on the shoulder to gain his attention. He must have noticed the blonds sudden discomfort. "Kenny are you alright?" he asked. Kyle and Cartman's attention were instantly drawn away from each other to focus on him. Kenny could feel the blood drain from his face as his three best friends stared at him expectantly.

"Oh um, yeah. I'm fine I just…" he trailed. Thinking on the fly, he croaked out, "I forgot I have to pick Karen up from her friend's house. So, I'll see you guys later." Kenny promptly stood and rushed toward the exit. He needed to breathe air that wasn't so suffocating. He needed to think.

"Oh, okay. See you later Kenny," Kyle muttered.

"See yah dude," Stan called.

Cartman merely sent a wave of dismissal in his general direction.

Kenny hastily tossed a wave back over his shoulder before shutting the door behind himself.

Kenny rushed down Stan's porch and paced onto the sidewalk. He started walking. To where? He didn't know. He simply knew he needed to move to help clear his mind.

A date with Kyle.

Apparently, he was going on a date with fucking, Kyle—his _friend_ —his _male_ friend.

He wouldn't have even thought that their hangout was a date if Stan and Cartman didn't shove the idea into his head. It didn't help that they basically manipulated Kyle into thinking so as well.

He needed to ask someone that was well versed in the whole dating world what they could make of this situation. Kenny was great with hookups, but dating? Not his forte. Kenny reached into his left pocket, where he kept 'Kendra's' phone, and dialed the first number that came to mind.

"Hey girlie, what's up?"

Kenny took a deep breath to better compose himself—he couldn't afford to fuck up his Kendra voice just because he was a little frazzled. "Hey Bebe, so I need your opinion on something."

"Shoot."

"Okay, so like, when I was working on the mural yesterday I ended up talking to Kyle—"

"Oh my god no way! What did he say?" Kenny had to pull the phone away from his ear slightly as Bebe yelled into the receiver. Deciding that it was safe to return the phone to his ear, he continued, "It's not so much of what _he_ said but more of what Stan said." Kenny felt like an idiot with each word spoken. "I may have offhandedly mentioned I wouldn't mind learning basketball and Stan kinda just popped into our conversation and made plans for us to hang out?"

"Holy shit! You're going on a date with Kyle Broflovski!?" He could practically see her eyes widen, he knew the exact face she was making. Her answer only confirmed the worst.

"So, you do think it's a date?"

"Uh, duh!" Bebe exclaimed.

Kenny could feel his fingers beginning to twitch, maybe she was wrong. She had to be wrong. "Is it really a date?" he countered. "We're just gonna sit in the gym and throw a ball around." He tired his best not to sound desperate.

"There's no way it's not a date!" Bebe argued. "A boy you aren't already close friends with is going out of his way to be alone with you. What else would you call that?" She really laid it out for him, clearly wanting her point to drive home.

"Hanging out?" his words came out more like a question than anticipated.

"No, it's a date!"

Kenny didn't want to agree, he really didn't, but with Bebe's confirmation there was no other way of looking at it. "Fuck."

"This is so exciting, I tots knew this would happen! Red owes me five bucks!"

"Okay, well, thanks Bebe."

"See yah tomorrow, babe!"

Kenny hung up the phone and promptly slipped it back into his pocket.

So he was going on a date with Kyle, big deal. He's definitely done weirder.

He could downplay the situation all he wanted but the voice at the back of his mind reassured him that this was not fine. That this was likely at the top of his list of uncomfortable shit he's done.

That voice was whispering something else too; something so quiet it was almost lost in the whirlwind of his thoughts.

' _This makes you gay_.'

That scared Kenny way more than he would like to admit.

Going on a date wasn't scary, but possibly being into men was.

Sure, he had thought a few guys in his grade were cute; and sure, he thought of kissing a boy or two, but who hadn't? It was totally normal. He was just a horney teenager, of course he was going to have the odd wet dream about being dicked down by five dudes at once.

Right?

This date did not by any means make him gay, especially if he doesn't enjoy it. Kyle would totally agree with him if he knew the truth.

The date wasn't for another few days anyways. He just needed to take a step back and not let thoughts of this bizarre date he got himself into ruin the rest of his week.

Kyle would still be Kyle and Kenny would still be himself when this was over.

Nothing to worry about.

…

Kenny avoided contact with Kyle for the remainder of the week. Not because he felt awkward and nervous about their hangout or anything. Of course not, what was there to be nervous about?

It's just going to be two bros shooting some hoops.

Except one bro is dressed as a chick and the other bro doesn't know that they're already bros. Oh, and it's a date.

Okay, so maybe Kenny did feel a bit awkward and nervous.

It was moments like these were he truly felt like a girl. Why the hell was he overanalyzing something that was four days away? He was pretty sure he had no interest in men, let alone Kyle.

His overthinking made Friday's mural painting all the more uncomfortable. Kenny could barely focus on finishing the outline because he could _feel_ Kyle staring into his back. English class was even worse. It was hard to avoid someone when they're seated right next to you. His hands were clammy and he was sure his face was red the entire period.

Now here he was, sitting in his bedroom at two in the morning watching YouTube tutorials on how to properly shave one's legs, on the lowest resolution possible so his stupid flip phone could load it.

Why did he feel compelled to look good for Kyle? It's not like anything was going to come of it. Or that he thought anything _could_ even come of it at all. Nothing was going to happen because Kyle is his friend and friends don't date friends; and straight guys don't date each other.

More importantly though, why do girls shave at all? Kenny wouldn't be stuck here worrying about what his legs would look like in shorts if girls didn't shave. So really, he could technically blame girls for being the source of his stress. Or, if he really wanted to push it, he could blame all of society.

"Why are your lights still on?"

Kenny had never come so close to having a heart attack before—his sister magically appeared in his doorframe. "Karen, why are you still awake?"

"I woke up to use the bathroom," she shared, walking over to sit herself next to Kenny on his mattress. "So, why are you awake?"

Kenny dished out his best half assed excuse his sleep deprived mind could supply, "I'm a teenaged boy on a Friday night with no obligations the next day."

"Last I checked you were a teenaged girl."

"When did you get so sassy?"

"When you were busy playing dress up."

Kenny did not need to be dragged by his little sister at fuck o' clock A.M. "What is this savagery? You're hanging out with Ruby Tucker too often."

Karen crossed her arms and rolled her eyes in mock disapproval. "Hey, don't try to turn this conversation around mister! Tell me what you were really doing."

"I was just playing on my phone." It wasn't entirely a lie, he was certainly on his phone.

"For real?" Karen asked.

"For real," he repeated with as much certainty as possible.

Karen's eyes moved slowly into a squint as they darted between Kenny's own eyes. He could tell she didn't believe him. To be fair, with everything that's been happening, he wouldn't believe himself either. It was only about a minute of Karen's unmoving gaze that Kenny decided there was no use in hiding anything from her anymore.

"Okay fine, I was watching videos so I could learn how to shave my legs."

Her face immediately shifted into that of disbelief; and in a spilt second, once the realization of what he was doing set in, she burst into a fit of laughter so intense that she fell off Kenny's bed. "For real?" she choked through her giggles, "I coulda taught you!"

Kenny reached down to haul the still laughing girl from the floor. "I honestly didn't even think of that," he admitted. Sometimes he forgot that his sister wasn't seven anymore.

Karen let out one last snicker before standing fully. "It's easy, come on, I'll show you." Karen grabbed her brothers arm and dragged him out of his room and into the hall. "Why do you wanna shave your legs anyways? You pretty much only wear long skirts to school," she inquired.

"I have to wear shorts next week."

Karen shrugged her shoulders at his answer. "Well alright." He was grateful she didn't question him.

Karen's shaving lessons went by fast. She lied when she said it was easy, Kenny managed to nick himself four times. She also mentioned that the hair would probably start growing back tomorrow, and if he wanted to maintain smooth legs he'd have to shave at least every three days. What kind of bullshit was that?

Being a girl fucking sucked.

…

Kenny was sorely mistaken in thinking that last Friday's mural painting was uncomfortable. Today was the day of the _date_ and the tension he felt as he dipped his brush into the desired colour was teetering unbearable.

Basketball practice had just ended and Kenny was adding the finishing brush strokes on the corner of grass he had been so diligently working on for he past two hours.

Except, he hadn't been as diligent with his work as he knew he could have.

His mind was a bit preoccupied with a certain ginger he was hoping to impress.

Kenny still didn't know why he so desperately wanted to impress Kyle. He'd gone over it a million times in his head at that point— 'nothing was going to come of this, so who cares what happens?'

Yet, he couldn't help but care.

His mind reeled with all the possible ways the day could end badly. What if his wig flew off? Kenny applied two entire packs of bobby-pins to his head that morning to prevent said possibility, but who knew, maybe it wasn't enough? Maybe one of the pins would fall out and poke himself in the eye? Or worse, poke Kyle in the eye—

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow Kendra! I'd walk out with you but I need to be home in ten minutes." Kenny hadn't even noticed that Butters had already packed up his equipment and descended the bleachers.

Kenny blinked a few times, recollecting his thoughts, "Oh, it's fine. See yah Butters!" With one final wave, Kenny turned back around to collect his things as quick as possible, dropping a brush or two in the prosses. He didn't want to keep Kyle waiting. His nerves had somehow been converted into adrenaline as he zipped down the bleachers.

"Do you need any help with that?" Kenny nearly dropped all of his paint pots.

Kyle stood at the bottom of the bleachers, two steps down from where Kenny had stopped in his tracks.

Saying he looked good would be a horrid understatement, Kyle looked fucking _hot_. Hot in a clearly platonic way—Kenny was just appreciating his attractiveness is all—he knew a pretty person when he saw one.

Kyle had clearly showered and changed into new gear, his hair still seemed a bit damp. Kenny could smell his forest scented body wash from where he stood. Kenny smiled slightly at the thought of Kyle going out of his way for him. He could have easily stayed in the clothes he wore during practice, there really wasn't a reason to shower and change seeing as he'll just get sweaty again.

The second the two made eye contact, Kenny realized he had been staring.

"I-I'm good, thanks," he managed to stutter out. Kenny repositioned the array of art supplies in his arms and descended the two steps he needed to make himself level with Kyle. "I'm just gonna take this stuff back to the art room and change."

"Alright."

Kenny smiled hesitantly before pushing through the gymnasium doors, cursing his own awkwardness on the way out. He should not, by any means, be feeling awkward around an old friend.

He returned all of the art equipment back to its rightful location, and barreled down the hallway to his locker to fetch the clothes Bebe had said would be the 'cutest' for the occasion.

He ran to the washroom and changed rather quickly, struggling a bit with the sports bra. His outfit was a bit risky, but not in the regard to it being slutty—which it wasn't—but in the way that could expose him for being a man.

He wore a plain black sports bra and some baggy basketball shorts; something tons of girls would wear to the gym. Except he wasn't a regular girl, most girls weren't completely flat chested and had a body shaped like a rectangle. He didn't have any natural curvature; he was basically giving his life over to the slight padding in the bra.

He was going to wear a t-shirt but Bebe insisted that the outfit she picked was a better option, and even went out of her way to take the t-shirt he had brought to school out of his backpack. He didn't exactly want to get the shirt he had worn to school sweaty considering he had to go home in it, so really, he didn't have options here.

Kenny did manage to keep his spare shorts hidden from Bebe though. The bra was anxiety inducing, but he could handle it; the shorts he was originally given were not happening. They were extremely form fitted booty shorts. They were so form fitted that you could see everything. In other words, Kenny rather die than walk in front of Kyle with an extremely obvious dick print. Tucking like a drag queen was not an option he was willing to experiment with; so baggy unflattering men's gym shorts and super tight underwear it was.

Kenny took his time while putting his wigs' hair into a ponytail; being meticulous as to where the strands would rest so no wefts had a chance to peak through.

With one last glace at the mirror, Kenny decided he looked ready.

He didn't feel ready though.

Kenny turned on the tap to the coldest setting and splashed the water on his face.

"You got this," Kenny whispered to himself, "don't be a pussy, it's just Kyle." Before he could talk himself out of the situation, Kenny swiped up his discarded outfit, left the washroom and returned his old clothes to his locker.

It was go time.

Two deep breaths later and he swung the gym doors open with more force than he intended.

Kenny let out a sigh of relief when Kyle hadn't seemed to notice. He was at the far side of the gym, shooting some hoops, likely to kill time as he waited for Kenny's return.

Kenny approached slowly, sneakers scuffing as he crossed the polished floor. He had to wipe his clammy hands on his shorts twice before he found the courage to speak, "Hey."

Kyle turned around to face him so quickly that Kenny wouldn't be surprised if he gave himself whiplash.

Kenny shivered as he watched Kyle rake his eyes up in down his body. All of the anxiety he managed to will away came flooding back in one giant tidal wave. He could see through it, couldn't he? Kyle could probably still make out his dick through his shorts. That was such a bad idea, why did he decide to do this in the first place? He could have said no right from the beginning and avoided all of this.

"You look nice."

That was not the answer he was expecting.

"O-Oh, thanks. I just, you know, threw this on." Kenny internally cringed at his lame response. He wrote it off as being surprised. Kyle wasn't usually one to dish out complements. Kenny immediately remembered that Kyle also felt weird about this whole thing (for different reasons than himself), as was explained to him a week ago.

"So."

"So."

"You're interested in basketball?" Kyle inquired, clearly attempting to push along the uncomfortable atmosphere.

Kenny tried his best to sound enthused, "Yeah, totally."

Kyle began to move closer to the basket, ushering Kenny as he walked. "So, what do you know about basketball?"

"I know when you bounce the ball its called dribbling and that the point is to get the ball in the other team's net." Kenny must have sounded like an idiot because Kyle started chuckling. He played an ass load of basketball as a kid but never a game with any formal rules.

Kyle must have noticed Kenny's slightly distraught facial expression because he ceased his laughing immediately. "No, yah, you're totally right. I wasn't laughing at you or anything. It's just when you say it like that it makes the game seem so—" Kyle paused, clearly searching for the right word, "—mundane."

How was Kenny supposed to reply to that? 'Sorry I made your sport sound easy?' Why was Kyle suddenly so difficult to interact with? So, he did the only thing he knew that girls did when they didn't know how to reply to things; he giggled.

Kyle must have been ten times more nervous than Kenny because he just kept talking and passing the ball between his hands. It made Kenny feel better in a weird way.

"But it's true though, all sports are kind of barbaric and pointless when you think about it," Kyle babbled.

Kenny raised a brow in response, "I didn't know Stan's pessimism was joining us tonight."

It was Kyle's turn to chuckle awkwardly.

For some bizarre reason, Kenny was growing all the more confident. Kyle was so fucking tense and Kenny was the king of flirtation. He could totally deal his cards and ace this date. He reminded himself that Kyle didn't actually know who he really was so he could do whatever he wanted and the repercussions of his actions wouldn't fall upon the real Kenny; this was all Kendra tonight.

Kenny flashed a huge grin and snatched the ball out of Kyle's grasp. "Let's play HORSE," he proclaimed with a wink.

Kyle's faced turned bright red. "Sure," he smiled back.

After about a half hour, the two were tied, both making enough successful shots to spell 'HORS'. Things took a huge turn from their previous interactions, they became comfortable rather quickly; acting as though this was a regular hangout with the guys. Kenny shouldn't have been as surprised as he was, seeing as the two of them were close friends, but Kyle didn't exactly know that. They were both laughing and hollering as Kyle chased after Kenny, whom ran across the court to avoid an attempted block from Kyle.

"You can't run across the court without dribbling!" Kyle playfully laughed as he finally caught the still howling Kenny from behind.

"Says who!" Kenny quipped as he turned himself around in Kyle's arms, crushing the ball between their chests.

"Says basketball!"

Kenny squinted at him determinedly and tossed the ball over their heads towards the net. He tried his best to aim properly but he didn't exactly have the best line of site with Kyle's jew-fro in the way. The ball bounced off the ground nowhere near the net. The two laughed again for what seemed to be the hundredth time that afternoon.

Kyle was biting his lip to hold back any more laughter from escaping. "Did you really think that you were going to get that shot from here?"

"I could have if your hair wasn't in my way!" Kenny exclaimed, throwing his arms up to grip his hands into Kyle's soft tuft of hair. In that moment, Kenny realized that Kyle's hands were still wrapped around his waist.

Kyle must have also realized the compromising position they were in because his laughter died down.

They both stood there for a moment, neither pulling away.

Kenny had never been so close to Kyle's face before. He had really nice skin—not a single blemish in sight. He was a bit jealous considering he had to spend extra time on concealer that morning to cover a sizable breakout on his chin. For some reason, the sweat covering Kyle's brow only added to his attractiveness in that moment.

Kyle's eyes were far greener than he recalled; perhaps it was their proximity but Kenny could easily argue that the other male's eyes rivaled pure jade.

He watched as Kyle opened and closed his plush lips, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words.

Kenny dared to look back up into Kyle's eyes. They locked with his own, his body involuntarily shuddered, and leaned in slightly, eyes fluttering closed.

The moment he felt Kyle's hot breath on his lips he jolted out of his grasp in panic.

What the fuck was he letting himself do? He was not about to kiss his friend. Flirting was one thing, but kissing? No way. That's not a line he was about to cross.

Kenny's face burned with embarrassment. He probably seemed crazy, what girl wouldn't want to kiss Kyle Broflovski? He was attractive, smart and respectful to woman; the full package really.

The tension Kenny thought they had defused had reappeared as if it had never left; and it was all his own fault for getting carried away. How could he ever have let himself think kissing Kyle was okay?

In attempts to fix the situation, Kenny offered a lopsided grin and walked past the still unmoving Kyle to fetch the discarded ball. "Let's finished the game," he managed to say, picking up the ball and chest passing it to Kyle, whom finally seemed to recollect himself.

From where he stood, Kyle made a shot towards the net, ball swishing through as he scored.

"HORSE—I win," he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Hey that's not fair, you're actually good at basketball!" Kenny feyned upset but found himself biting back a smile in return. "Next time, I'm totally gonna destroy you." As quickly as that, the tension was gone again, and the two were laughing as though Kenny hadn't just ruined their potential _moment_.

"So, we're doing this again then?"

"We kind of have to now because I need to beat you." Kenny glanced at the wall clock behind Kyle before continuing. He promised Karen he'd be home by five to help her with dinner. "Shit, it's kinda late, I better go."

Kyle turned to check the clock as well. "Yah, I better head out too."

Kenny waited for Kyle to return the basketball to the storage area before they exited the gym together. Kyle even went as far as to walk him to his locker.

"So, I'll see you at school tomorrow?"

Kyle nodded in response, "Yup."

"I had a lot of fun," Kenny gushed as he hoisted his backpack onto his shoulder and closed his locker. He wasn't lying, he really did have fun; far more fun than he originally thought he would.

"Me too, I'd say you're almost a half decent opponent," Kyle teased. Kenny lightly punched his arm in response.

They were both quiet for a moment before making eye contact once again. Those jade pools beckoned Kenny closer. Without thinking, Kenny lightly pecked Kyle's cheek; shocking not only Kyle but himself as well.

"Well, see yah!" Kenny faltered, turning on his heel to rush out of the building.

He didn't dare glance back.

…

Word of Kenny's date with Kyle spread quickly among the posy of girls he hung out with, curtesy of Bebe. The second he sat down at the lunch table he was bombarded with questions. Kenny did his best to provide the answers they were looking for.

"Holy shit and then what happened?"

"He just walked me back to my locker and then I went home," he answered truthfully.

"Did you guys not kiss?" Heidi gaped.

Kenny bit his lip when recalling their departure. "Well, not like, on the mouth."

"On the dick!" Bebe cheered.

"No!" Kenny retorted, face reddening. "On the cheek."

"Aw that's kinda adorable," Wendy cooed.

Red, busy peeling a grape with her nails, sighed, "So much for Kyle being gay."

"Do you have another date planned?" Wendy asked genuinely. All the girls leaned in in anticipation of his answer.

Kenny glanced around the table at their keen faces. He hated to ruin their excitement. "I don't think they'll be another one."

It was almost comedic how everyone gasped. "What? Why? It sounded like you guys clicked so well!" Heidi retorted.

"I just…" Kenny begun, "I don't know guys." He didn't know what to say other than, 'I'm actually Kenny McCormick and dating Kyle feels like lying to him. Also, not into dudes.' So he settled with, "Kyle could do a lot better than me," which wasn't too far from the truth. Kyle deserved better than a penniless loser that got expelled from high school.

"Are you shitting me right now?" Bebe marveled, slamming her hands against the table, successfully drawing the attention of the entire cafeteria towards their group. "Kyle should be honoured to even have a girl like you breathe in his vicinity!"

Kenny laughed uncomfortably as he watched the passersby's glare in judgment, "Thanks."

"Wow Bebe, could you be any louder?" Nichole chimed as she joined the group. She placed her lunch tray on the table and seated herself comfortably before asking, "Sleepover at my place this weekend?"

The table irrupted into a chorus of 'yah''s and 'totally''s.

"Nichole, did you hear the deets of Kendra's date yet?"

"Oh my god, I haven't! Girl, spill!"

…

That afternoon, the boys decided to do something other than slink around someone's house and play videogames. Stan proposed the idea of walking to KFC—there were no objections other than from Cartman, whom asked why they couldn't 'just drive.'

Kenny tried his best to act the way he normally would around Kyle, but it was proving to be quite difficult, especially with the constant imagery his brain supplied of their _almost_ kiss. The rest of his friends were in no way helpful—for some reason, they liked brining up the topic of the date even more than the girls did.

"Dude, just fucking tell us what happened," Stan berated for the millionth time since they started their walk.

"Yah, was she being a slut?" Cartman jabbed.

"She was not being a fucking slut!" Kyle spat in Kenny's defense. "And I already told you guys everything!"

"Yah right." Stan made his disbelief clear in his face and tone, "You couldn't have seriously just played HORSE and then gone home."

"Well, that's what we did."

"You didn't, like, kiss her on the court or anything."

Kyle rolled his eyes at his best friend's romanticism, but Kenny could see him fighting back a flush. "No Stan, this isn't one of you gay rom-coms, this is reality."

"Why so defensive? She rejected you, didn't she," Cartman offhandedly postulated before turning toward Stan, "Stan, you owe me six bucks."

Kyle's brow shifted downward in anger, "I was not rejected, fatass!"

"Oh really?" Cartman sneered, turning his attention back to the seething redhead, "This is the twenty-first century Kahl. If you didn't get any on the first date was it really a success?"

"I did get some!"

Kenny's head snapped toward Kyle, eye's wide. They literally did nothing—what in the fuck could he even say? Kenny could see on Kyle's face that he regretted his words already.

"For real?" Stan asked in surprise.

Kyle looked at the ground as he stumbled out his sentence, "Yah, well, I mean. She kissed my cheek before she left."

Stan's lips morphed into a gargantuan smile. "Oh my god Kyle, you're so in."

Cartman scoffed at Stan's enthusiasm, "Now hold it right there lover boy. Does that even count? It was probably a pity peck."

Before Kyle could come to his own defense Stan did for him, "Pity or not, Kyle won't know until he asks her on a real date."

"There's no way she'd say yes. I still don't know how he managed it the first time."

"She would so say yes!" Kyle exclaimed, jumping into the conversation.

With the combination of red cheeks and a furrowed brow, Kenny could tell that Kyle was decently pissed. Nothing rational ever came out of his mouth when he was pissed.

Cartman let out a deep, full bellied laugh at Kyle's claim, "Are you fucking kidding? Have you seen yourself? You're probably one of the most unappealing people to walk this earth."

"Oh, that's rich coming from you! You are the most repulsive person God had the misfortune of creating!"

"If saying that will make you feel better about your rejection then go ahead."

"You know what? Fuck you. I'll call her and ask her on a real date right now."

Kenny's heartbeat began racing. Kyle couldn't call Kendra, 'she' was right fucking there. They would all hear 'her' phone go off in his pocket.

"Go ahead. She'll say no, nobody wants to date a Jew," Cartman teased, crossing his arms with a satisfied smirk.

Kyle stood in front of the group, halting anyone from walking further. "Get ready to eat your words," he growled, pulling out his phone.

Kenny, on the verge of a heart attack, blurted, "Oh um, I just remembered I…" Kyle jumped a bit as Kenny spoke, likely not expecting to be further interrupted, "I took an extra shift at work. See you guys later!" Kenny managed to fumble out before hightailing it out of there.

Kenny heard a very confused Stan say, "Okay? See yah dude," before he was completely out of ear shot.

Kenny could feel Kendra's phone vibrating in his pocket as he rounded the nearest street corner and leaned against a building. He pulled out the phone and watched it ring as he caught his breath. Before his brain could catch up with the actions of his body, he pressed the answer button.

"H-Hello," Kenny stuttered, still a bit winded from spontaneously running a block.

"Hey Kendra, it's Kyle."

"What's up?" he asked as if he didn't already know why he was receiving the call. Kenny heard Cartman in the background, he said, "She'll say no" which was proceeded by a smacking noise and a quick, "Ay!" before Kyle replied, "I had a great time yesterday," ignoring Kenny's mundane question.

"Me too," Kenny answered honestly. Despite the sexuality crisis their date educed, playing basketball with Kyle really was fun; it reminded him a lot about when they were kids and they played the game almost every weekday after school.

"Good. So, I was wondering if you'd want to do something again soon."

Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to say no. He wasn't interested in Kyle and he needed to squash any idea of them being anything more than friends. "S-Sure."

"Really?" Kyle sounded just as surprised at Kenny's answer as he, himself, felt. "Okay, um, how does a movie sound," Kyle spewed. Cartman's obnoxiously loud voice chimed through the speaker again, "Are you fucking serious? A movie?" there was another distinct smacking noise followed once again by an agitated, "Ay!"

The line went quiet before Kenny realized it was his turn to speak. "Sounds great. When?" he managed to mumble.

"Would this Sunday work for you?"

"It would."

"Sweet, uh, see you at school."

"Bye," Kenny breathed. He heard Kyle yell, "Ha ha, eat shit Cartman!" before the line went dead.

It was officially time to freak out.

What in the ever-loving fuck was he thinking? Another date with Kyle?

Though Kenny told himself that another date was a stupid idea, he couldn't help but be mildly giddy. There was a bit of pride in being the only person who has managed to catch Kyle's attention; even if Kyle was clearly just in it to prove Cartman wrong.

The date was just going to be a movie, simple. They were going to sit in silence for two hours and then go their separate ways—never going on a date again. This would go way smoother than playing basketball—he wouldn't have to worry about his wig falling off or his dick being visible; but there was still the issue of Kenny being far too comfortable with the idea of dating a guy.

Now that was an internal demon he was not willing to deal with in that exact moment.

Kenny pushed all thoughts of the date aside and began his trek over to City Wok. Maybe there really was a shift he could pick up.

He needed something to keep himself distracted.

* * *

So the reality is, I got bored and was uninspired-nothing dramatic. I fully just did not feel like writing this. It took me 6 months to write 1 chapater because i didnt want my disinterest with this story to shine through in the writing. Can I guarantee the next chapter wont take as long? Absolutely not. Can I guarantee this story will get finished? Yup. It may take a while but im determined to see this through. I'll try to get the next chapter out in, well, not 6 months. Maybe I should re-watch she's the man for re-inspiration.

Question of the chapter (for my queer readers): how long did it take you to become comfortable with your sexuality? were you anything like Kenny? In other words, were you slow on the uptake and or in complete denial?

p.s. for those of you wondering why I didn't go with the standard headcanon of Kenny being 100% ok with his sexuality is because its just that-a headcanon. I wanted to explore a different angle to his character that I never really see in fanfic. Consider this story the 'before' he is totally comfortable with himself.


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